Johovah-Jireh

2012-02-02T09:52:00.000+08:00

If you are already bored of me, would you gently let me go?

2011-12-19T21:09:00.002+08:00

So maybe its true..

2011-12-04T13:54:00.001+08:00

"Its like your screaming, and no one can hear.
You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important
and that without them you feel like nothing.
No one will ever understand how much it hurts.
You feel hopeless, like nothing can save you
And when its over and its gone,
you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back,
so that you could have the good."

2011-12-03T23:24:00.000+08:00

When it ain't special to you anymore.
When one of us stop trying.
When we allow the distance to grow.
When we discover our differences.
When i ain't awesome to you anymore.
When it all changes.
When the love just ain't enough.
When all of this evaporates and fades away.

2011-12-02T09:48:00.001+08:00

Yes, I'm falling to pieces...

2011-11-28T15:17:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.

I know I'll never find someone like you. How about you? Please don't do this to yourself.

We know it's over. And yes, I wish nothing but the best for you too.

I hope you can find someone better too.

2011-10-30T15:38:00.000+08:00

but what if i want to believe in your fairy tale story?

2011-10-30T11:23:00.002+08:00

"No matter how smart or determined or gifted i may be, i don't have the stamina, confidence, hope, wit, wisdom, purity, peace, perspective, patience, money, or health to handle all the challenges i will face. The only way to obtain this kind of STRENGTH i need is to TRUST in God's unfailing love, drawing conclusions for my life hat are based on trust and not on fear. "

But he said to me "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Cor 12:9

Yes indeed the Lord will do amazing things.

=)

2011-10-26T10:32:00.002+08:00

i need to learn to

love like i'm not afraid,

trust like i'm a fool,

give like i have everything.

Though on second thoughts i do have everything. =) But nothing to lose. Can't take that away.

Need God's almighty grace for that, without which i can do nothing. Dear Lord please take away my fears and doubts, help me to be strong and courageous.. =)

=(

2011-10-24T22:32:00.002+08:00

Work is so piling up dangerously that if it all falls down on me, i must just be crushed and minced.

OMG please give me the strength to meet all the deadlines and upcoming CAs I'm suffocating I'm gonna die. =(

I need to breathe!

2011-10-22T11:49:00.001+08:00

Life has changed so much, definitely for the better. God is so amazing. He has carried me all the way through, not forgetting brothers and sisters who has helped me along the way when I kept falling. Indeed, trust in the Lord and He keep me in perfect peace. His powers are made perfect in weakness. How true. Can never imagine going through all these without God.

It's been like a dream. So many good things and bad things happened, and they all turned out to be really good. No regrets. =) I've really grown, though I can't exactly say I'm ready for the challenges and new life up ahead, I'll be okay because I have God. His love never fails.

I need to learn to be not afraid to love, for He has loved me unconditionally, in times when I was obedient, or not. ♥

2011-09-17T13:04:00.000+08:00

The rain is finally over! It is definitely not the end, but I will press on.

And I know that soon I will see the sunshine and the rainbow! =)

2011-08-30T22:42:00.002+08:00

What a very sorrowful feeling. And I don't even know why...

I must pull myself together! And carry on with my life.

Be still and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10)

2011-06-23T00:50:00.002+08:00

I can't get to sleep. Despite I need to be really energised and charged for tomorrow's data collection I just can't get to sleep. I love to sleep so I haven't felt this way in a while.

You know life has been meaningful. I've spent so much more time with my friends, which is good, because they really keep my smile on my face and they are the ones who stayed with me through the years.

I am also glad that I am using my holidays wisely. Not just blindly earning money, rather, pretty much the opposite. Not earning any money but doing meaningful (yet really challenging) things. I am thankful that God has brought me through all these because without Him I couldn't have achieve anything.

There is one another person always on my mind, and that is you, Benjamin, if you are even reading this. I really miss you so much, I haven't seen you for months, and sometimes I wonder what should I consider our relationship as? I don't know how you feel but I really wanna sort things out. Even if the outcome requires us to bring things to a closure I will face it, and accept it. I just can't stand it when things are left hanging. What does this mean? What do I mean to you? Leave me guessing and you're killing me now.

Looking back all those quarrels are just meaningless. And I never wanted any of them to happen and I promise I have done my best to prevent any of them from happening but they still do. It takes 2 hands to clap, so I would never say I have no part in them. If I could do everything once again, I would choose to lose every quarrel just to win your understanding. And that is I love you and I would never do any thing to hurt you and you need to trust me.

But I can't do any of these. What's done is done.

What I wanna do now is just to have a good sleep and wake up tomorrow feeling refreshed so I can work hard and achieve some results for my project. I need to focus on God and not allow myself to just drift into sadness and shut myself out.

I need to be strong. I have more important things to carry out.

2011-05-22T21:17:00.003+08:00

How many times this song sang my feelings... I may know what's wrong, yet there is nothing i can do about it.

There are so many things i wished i could share with you, but you just weren't there....

2011-05-06T15:35:00.005+08:00

A relationship requires 2 persons to work in the same direction. If they aren't, one will be pulling the other. And if both don't want to give way, both will get hurt.

I guess that's pretty much what we are now. But no baby I'm really not trying to win every argument here. I'm trying to make sense. Trying to make everything work. Though undeniably I don't wanna be pulled towards your way. But either way I'll cry. Either way I'll lose something important to me.

Don't we always know that a relationship is pair work? I must do my part and you must do yours...

But I guess right now you are tired. No, I don't blame you if you have stopped trying.

It was never easy for two to be together so long and still happy. And perhaps that is why we aren't happy... I know a lot of changes came on the way, I embraced it, but you didn't like changes... or perhaps not used to them...

Looking back at the memories I can only face it with thanksgiving, thanks for all the wonderful time we had together...

Thanks for all the silly things (and faces) we've done together, and the beautiful memories we've accumulated...

Thanks for all the tears and fights and cries and shouts. I know at least they weren't done for nothing. (or maybe they were all for nothing..)

And now our lives are so full of each other that every other thing around us reminds us of each other...

If this is gonna change it's going to be so difficult for me. I know it won't be easy for you either. Or maybe you'll enjoy the initial burst of freedom...

I just wanna let you know that I see the times that you've tried and I really appreciate it, and don't be sorry that you are so tired you just had to stop...

And if finally there's only left with two words I wouldn't make it difficult for you... But I just wanna say I'm sorry...

My favourite pic

So will you stop running away from the problem and just give us one last try?

2011-05-01T16:16:00.002+08:00

I've reached a stage I really find it hard to believe what you are saying. But yet, I chose to believe.

Too many times I've been a detective and realised again and again that you're lying to me. Actually what good does it do to me? I only get myself broken. I'm not gonna verify your words ever again. Call me stupid, at least I chose to be.

Is there any thing more i can do for us? If things has proceed till this stage. I don't know what else can save us. Challenge this relationship further, I can see what'd happen. By that time, I will tell you, it's your loss, not mine... Or am I just trying to be strong...

2011-04-30T21:20:00.002+08:00

Because relationship is a 2-way thing.

If i keep trying so hard not to quarrel with you but you keep giving me rebut-provoking statements how what would you like me to do?

I am so sick of quarreling, so sick. So what if i win or lose? It doesn't really make a difference does it? Someone will get hurt either way.

2011-04-25T12:39:00.003+08:00

But when i realised it, is it all too late?

I really treasure all the memories we have. Though perhaps they will just be memories in future, i hope we'll still look back and be thankful for it. I really wish to keep writing memories with you, just but are you willing to give me a chance to do something for us?
我不想成为你不要的回忆。

I really can't imagine life without you again. But if that really happens, i will be strong.

I miss you...

2011-04-23T17:52:00.003+08:00

It's been a month. I feel ok. I'm not exactly ok. But i know I'm good because I have God. Really not afraid of the challenges coming up. But this month has made me realised that, I really love you. I miss you, not the random habits we have together. I miss you. Life have been drastically different, but I don't exactly feel bad about it. In fact I feel happier by handling my stuff to God. I have no more burdens, but I miss you. I wonder how you are doing... Ultimately, still, it will be up to God. Will we still end up together? I don't know.

But we're back to the same point yet again. For the so many times in these few years. In fact, nothing's changed. I don't know if this is good or bad. I just know that I need to focus on my studies because this has been the passion I've been working for. I often drift off track, now it's time to get back to it. =)

If only you would understand

2011-03-25T19:40:00.002+08:00

Baby I know it has always been difficult for you to understand what I am saying. I don't know why it must be this way. I really don't know. But I have really tired. I really did. Have you tried listening to what I am saying? Have you used your heart to feel every word I have written to you? Have you tried to feel my feelings instead of entirely trusting your assumptions? Do you know that your assumptions hurt me the most?

I know you have been really nice to me. And I know perhaps i will never find another person like you again. But you make me really tired. I am really tired of explaining myself every single time i talk to you. Yet you still believe in your assumption and perception of me. How is this communication when it was never 2-way. How can i ever get my points across.

i just want you to know i will never do anything or ask you to do anything that will bring you harm. But you still can't trust me. Generally what i say you won't believe, but if your friend says the same thing to you, you believe them immediately. And the many many other bad habits you know them yourself.

All these i can forgive. I can live with. I can deal with them. If you love me i have the power to move on. You always know i can forgive you for anything. and I mean anything and everything. You know it. But baby you can't give me the "it is me or God" attitude. You can't make me put you above God, I can't do it. You don't understand, I will do anything for you but to put you above God. I really don't wanna hurt you. Strictly speaking you really have done nothing wrong. Maybe you just want my attention. I know it. And have i not given you what you want?.. Or was it not enough? And I am sorry, baby you can't solve the problem by saying you'll be christian for my sake. Yes you can fool everyone, you can fool me but you can't fool God. At the end of the day if you don't love God you won't understand why i want to put God in the centre of my life and we will still end up miserable like how we are now.

If you are forcing me to make a choice i would. I really would. Call me selfish I still would. I know it is painful, or maybe it would even be more painful for you. I feel so pathetic i would even try asking for my 6 years back. We practically GREW UP TOGETHER. I'm sure i did. Have you?

I am writing all these but i think you'll never read this. Or maybe if you do i hope you can read it with your heart. and listen to me. Listen to my honest feelings, not your assumptions. I hate your freaking assumptions.

I cry like a child and I know you hate it when i cry. But i don't enjoy crying either, i'm just blessed with great abilities to cry all day and night and my tears just never go dry. It's a positive feedback loop i don't feel better. I seriously don't. You know what makes me feel better? that is for you to understand, but you probably never will. I feel like i'm a joke. After so much we've gone through, we're still back to where we are 2 years ago. On the verge of breaking up (again), still struggling to keep this relationship alive, still trying to sort out our differences.

*

I have such a tendency to blog down negative feelings. I wonder why.

I'm starting to hate the crowd. The way home from school seemed especially long this evening. The crowd on the train makes me feel cold, so lonely. I find it more and more difficult to fit into the world, or it is just me? I feel so uncomfortable among many people. I just wanna be alone.

I'll cry all i want, and when tomorrow comes i will tie up my hair again and life goes on...

God please help me to see the silver lining is every cloud. Lord help me to trust in Your plan for me!

I need to think...

2011-03-13T20:22:00.002+08:00

Batam trip was a good escape from the noisy city! =) Too bad I was so busy mugging and having fun, I haven't had a good thought about the future.

Godma is right, I really need to think, because I can't always just leave it to chance or nature's course to determine my happiness. I can't just always use the excuse of "busy with studies" to run away from my problems and responsibilities. Sigh, but it's really not easy to make a change, even if I want to.

So many things I thought I've made the right choice in the past, turns out that it may not really be! =(
HOW?!

2011-02-05T22:58:00.005+08:00

有时候，想哭也没有眼泪。

有时候，想不哭, 眼泪却不争气。

I don't know what's wrong with us. Maybe it's true. 'We' are just a habit, not love.

After so long I still cannot fathom why you just can't show some gentleness.

Why can't we just have a civilised conversation.

Why can't you reason out with me.

I reason out with you, I can give you reasons to why I do things certain ways.

You can do the same. I'm not unreasonable, I can be convinced.

I am a person, a human with brains.

Apart from God, I can give no one my full obedience without questions.

I am not anyone's docile ~~sheep~~ lamb. I am not YOUR docile ~~sheep~~ lamb.

I am not someone you can put all the blame on, and more importantly I am not a yes-woman. Would you kindly give me my autonomy as a human.

You can scold and insult and malign me all you want, but leave my religion alone. If you cannot respect this, you cannot respect me. Without respect what is left with our love?

Stop yelling and comparing how I can speak nicely to my friends or anyone but you. Reason is very simple, they speak reasons with me, not nonsense and maligns. We are matured people who convince by reasoning and not by who speaks the loudest.

I want to know what is patience and love if what I've been doing thus far is still not patience and love. I pray that God will give me more patience and love if you are the one. I do not know.

I do not know why am I still doing this.

What has happened in the past I let bygones be bygones, and it should have been lesson learnt.

I have learnt, have you?

And why are things still going this way?

Every year some of these things have to happen when I have even more important matter to deal with. I have my studies, my work and everything. If you could just understand, I can really maxed out with all my available time and energy, what more would you want me to do for you?

Maybe this is really not the time for any relationships.

Maybe the outcome of everything will still be the same.

After so many twists and turns, history just keeps repeating itself.

I've seen enough of broken promises and misplaced trust.

If that is what you want, I can let it go.

I just thank God for strengthening me into one amazingly strong soul. Indeed what that does not kill me just makes me stronger.

And no, it is not hard to answer your calls. But it is hard to reason with you and make you listen and understand what I'm saying. You're living in a world of your own, and unfortunately after so many tries through the years, I still cannot enter.

I'm pathetic.

2010-12-28T23:40:00.002+08:00

Everything in life now seems so calm, sometimes dull, even boring. Sometimes I'm wondering what I'm doing. Sometimes I feel lost. Actually I really don't know. Too many things in this world making matters so complicated. And yes I'm thinking of changing my job again. No, I'm not someone who can't tolerate hardships, in fact you'll be surprised.

I'm just disappointed. Disappointed at humanity at large. Can there really never be altruistic people in this world now?... Sigh, what is this original intention of wanting to be in the healthcare sector? So many times during the moments on my job, I really miss Boss so much. It just feels like there can never be a doctor like him. I really just miss those days we worked really hard just to help people. Yes, I guess I'm still doing pretty much the same thing now but it just feels so different. The world is cold... Really cold. I just hope I don't get forced into the mould of this world and sooner and later I would be just like any one self-centred person. It's just so tiring.

Now I really don't see the silver lining of this cloud. Fortunately what I see is only a small part of the picture, and only God knows the whole picture. I feel kinda lousy about what I'm doing now but I know God's plan for me is good. I really don't know what the future holds, but I know it's good. I may not even end up to be what I want to be, but I know it's still good.

There's too many things to worry about. In fact every part of my life from studies to work to relationships to everything needs worrying. But I really don't have that much brain power to spare, and how will worrying help. Sigh, good times just don't last. It's okay, they'll come again!

2010-12-02T11:00:00.002+08:00

Somehow i feel like i don't fit into anywhere.

Like a puzzle piece that perhaps have no complementary pieces. I'll just pop out between other pieces or have large holes in between.

How has it become like this without myself even knowing? Have i changed? What happened? What changed?...

This time I'm not sitting at the sidelines watching...

2010-11-09T23:15:00.000+08:00

RARRR!!! Why is it so difficult to concentrate and study?!

Isn't it just as simple as it seems?!

2010-09-29T23:20:00.000+08:00

Just when it's about sleeping time, I feel hungry all over again!!!..
"What would you do if you weren't afraid?..."

hehehe, the Hello Panda staring at me looks delicious...

SIGH this cycle repeats itself EVERYDAY.

Won't it really just fat die me?. =(

2010-09-27T23:07:00.000+08:00

这样下去真的会破产了！！

2010-09-24T08:26:00.003+08:00

Today I just woke up in the morning, feeling very blissful...

I don't know why.. Nothing actually quite happened. I just felt happy, blissful, blessed and surprisingly recharged after just 5 hours of sleep. How amazing!

Somehow it just seems like I've been speaking to someone throughout the night, pouring out all my troubles and now I feel so much better!

Seems to me that God is telling me to be happy with what I have. Yes indeed, actually that's just what I need! Actually I have everything but why am I the only person who doesn't realise that!

I have God, I have many many awesome friends, from uni, poly and secondary, I have a wonderful boyfriend [whom I have very little patience towards =( ], I study a course that I like, and I have a decent paying job.

So actually what's there to be unhappy about?!

What's wrong with me?!

Yes, I'm supposed to be happy and 不需要把自己弄得这么可怜. Yes indeed. I should count my blessings everyday and remind myself that I actually have a lot and I actually already have what most people ask for in life.

Thank God for everything He has given me.

Thank God for loving me for who I am.

Thank all my friends that have been by my side, being supportive in one way or another.

Thank Benjamin for always (well, most of the time) tolerating my nonsense. (and the reverse is true okay!)

And I will not try to Crystallise my Ben anymore. (and Ben shall not Ben-alise Crystal too!)

But anyway Ben is a Crystal. =P

purr...

2010-09-22T00:45:00.000+08:00

If only happiness from food can be a little longer lasting!... =)

Then no one will be fat...

心事谁能知 =(

2010-09-20T13:28:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry that I'm no longer the girl I was. I'm sorry I have lost my ability to make you smile. I'm sorry I'm making you feel less excited about meeting me. I'm sorry I can't be the girl you want me to be.

You think I've changed, yes I may have. I don't know is it for the better or worse. I want to be good. I always wanted to please everyone, only to realise I can't.

Was it because we were too young then? Was it because everything just seemed so perfect at the moment?

And just suddenly our dreams turned upside down. Was it me?

I know you have plans, and I don't. Oh maybe I have. I know through the years we've been I've been changing.
Don't want to study - want to work
Want to be a teacher - epic fail ambition
Want to be a nurse - didn't have the courage to really do it
Want to study - wished I didn't have to work
Want to be a pharmacist - want to study!!!

B, you really are of little words. I mean little words of what you are intending to do. And if you've realised you aren't exactly an open book.

How about you? Could you tell me? Tell me how I'll fit into your future. Instead of us always thinking of how uncertain it is (and make up a whole lot of nonsense that really drive me crazy). I know what I want to do is making you insecure. Tell me how can I make you feel better instead of bombarding me with countless questions daily, I'll go insane this way. Communication is two-way.

I don't want my studies to pull us apart. Yet study is what I need and want to do. And I'm not young anymore. I can't just put everything down and rebel for our dreams and tomorrow.

You know I still love you no less. But all these and the unspoken has been pushing and pulling. I really don't know when I or we will fall apart.

I'll always remember the days we grew up together. Through our teenage time and how we finally got our key to being responsible for our own lives. Feels like we did better before. Through so many events, happy or sad, right or wrong, going our separate ways or coming back together, we've made it!

But now, what's next?

2010-09-10T22:03:00.002+08:00

I realised that you really loved me alot, I guess.

I really feel like a crazy person letting my imagination run wild at times. No, I'm really crazy.

But still again I missed the old times, the times we used to do special things and looking back at the memories, I wondered where'd they gone.

I wished I could have yesterday once more! =)

2010-09-09T22:12:00.002+08:00

I wished I can be just a little less concerned, and affected.

2010-08-08T01:08:00.002+08:00

Tsk, I know I shouldn't be thinking!..

FREAKY!

2010-07-31T02:29:00.003+08:00

It's just freaky how friends close as sisters experience the same thing at the same time.

I really have a bad feeling about things.

There are just some things whereby there are ample choices, but the decisions were made too early. (perhaps even in a haste) And when things had to change, these earlier made decisions contradicts the change.

There's this strain that is pulling in between 2 strong-willed and neither wants to give way. True enough, the goal is the same, but the route towards the goal is different. Wake-up-call from the disillusionment of a perfect compromisation, there isn't any win-win situation.

The correct way to solve the problem is a clear but painful one. Optimism always comes to suggest a possible alternative. As much as we wished there was an alternative, clearly there isn't.

Is this a vicious cycle? The differences once and again burst the psychedelic bubble of "If I had to choose again, my choice will still be same."

Will it really still be same?
Ironically enough we somehow still never fail to convince ourselves that the answer is yes...

But is this really correct?

Just as we thought the search has ended, have we really found?

Are we going the right way? We're lost. We're lost!

I feel really uneasy, and there's this strange familiarity to it, it just feels like deja vu.

I'm really afraid.

July 30th!

2010-07-30T00:05:00.004+08:00

Now it's really July 30th my beloved Mao Mao has gone to rainbow bridge for 3 years.. But I know she's in a better place so I'm happy.

Changed a new set of strings for the lao pok guitar. The guitar not exactly old, but it's quite lao pok already because I broke it's neck like 2 times. The headstock just fell off!

Let's review the traumatising past:

I was so gan chiong to snap a pic that I couldn't be bothered to just remove the strings...

The first time I don't know why it broke, just probably it fell without me seeing. So when I opened the case (which was just a gig bag with not much protection, I'm putting it at home! So I didn't supposed I need a hard case!) got a big fat shock of my life and nearly cried! =( haha, so dramatic.

Then I glued it back, in attempt to avoid finding a professional because the guitar is not expensive but getting it glued professionally is costly! And that was my first solid top, so obviously I couldn't bear to just see it lying around with a broken headstock.

Glued with polyurethane glue still not happy so I re-challenged it and put back medium gauge steel strings, and SNAP! It broke like after 3 days of strumming. =(

Sigh with the glue residues it's obviously 3x more difficult to re-glue but still did it anyway. Got a super solid capo to kiap it now. And become more and more act smart, go and put on heavy gauge nylon strings for it. (still less tension then steel strings) and it's working fine now leh!!!!! =D

And new strings always sounds so nice.. Though they take a while to stabilise the tuning but still it sounds really nice. Sweet!

How I wished my mood can be refreshed like how the sound of the guitar is refreshed by a change of strings... =)

what happened?

2010-07-29T15:08:00.005+08:00

Aw, tomorrow will be 3 years Mao Mao went to Rainbow Bridge. I really miss this adorable rebellious, mischievous, but sweet cat, who'd always come to me when I'm down.

Sometimes I look back in time there are some things that I wished I could've done differently. But not to the extent of regrets. Just where'd all the perfect innocent days gone?.. I know this is life, I wished I could still just whip out my optimistic personality right now. Just right now, and get everything going again. Where'd that part me gone?

Aww, everyone's busy with their stuff and each have their own problems. I wished there was just one friend I could really share my problems with, without feeling guilty. I wished Mao Mao's still around. (for n times of the year already) =(

Happy Birthday Boss!

2010-07-10T01:49:00.003+08:00

Dear Boss, Happy Birthday!

Though you have gone home with the Lord for almost 3 months, your teachings would stay with me till forever.

I just wanna let you know that I really miss you and you'll always be our very beloved and favourite Dr. Kwek. I can never find a better Boss, doctor, teacher and friend.

2010-07-07T22:43:00.003+08:00

I know what, I'm not gonna care, I'm not gonna look. I'm just going to turn a blind eye and look beyond the imperfections.

I don't wanna get myself hurt by trying to make you better because I know I'll never succeed. No one can change you except only God. But no one can initiate the change unless you yourself open your heart and let the Lord in to make you better.

But before anything like this can ever happen, I pray to God to please give me the strength to continue on, to look beyond the imperfections and to change me to be better myself. I pray to God to give me the willpower to hold on to the faith that I know we can. Even though we know we ourselves can't, God can.

'With God, anything is possible'.

Amen!

Holidays!

2010-06-10T20:07:00.003+08:00

Holidays have been like a month, but somehow I feel that I haven't really accomplish anything that I have planned to do.

Somehow always I just turn myself into a workaholic and then a slackaholic on days that isn't work. I wished I could be a little more of the moltivate-da-holic so I can really fulfil all the tasks I've laid down for myself to complete! And randomly ironing clothes is a chore that's time consuming!

And guess what? I brought work back to do! Erm. But it's now 8pm, I've been sitting on it for an hour. OMG I guess I better get started!

ARGH, actually I thought of something to write here already, but once I logged in it just magically disappears. Maybe its hinting me to get started on work.

Okay, work.

2010-06-02T21:45:00.003+08:00

You can accuse me anyway you like.

And yes, God bless you!

2010-05-25T00:55:00.003+08:00

I need to re-focus myself.
For the nights without clinics are aimless,
the nights without talking to patients are dead quiet,
the nights without learning something new is empty.

The more time I have alone, the more I'll think. The more I'll blame myself for the things I could have done more for Boss. The more nights I have, sitting in my room, reading a book, the more I miss him.

PH is a farm. They disregard the place and do whatever they want. They seem like nice people (with a hint of hypocrisy) at first, I want to have an open mind to accept them. But their money-mindedness revealed their true colours in no time. They know what they have done.

Till now I feel a little guilty. I feel guilty because I left the farm. I had left, and no one would be there to protect and uphold the name of Evangel. For the farm animals and fruits can blabber their mouths away and mislead the patients.

I left because it was so stressful to adapt.
I feel sad when they ask me to discard things labelled with "Evangel", our clinic.
I felt caught in the middle when patients ask about the change and why is it this way.
I felt that I had to support the name of the farm, yet I have much of my loyalty with Evangel.
I felt helpless when the patients shout and demand an explanation. I will miss Boss all over again when patients ask about him and all the painful images come to mind.

Although I haven't really liked the farm animals genuinely, I have worked for them honestly.
I never gave half hearted service, I tried my best to work as a team with them.
I scanned most of the patient records even though it was so difficult for me to look through them thoroughly. All the vivid memories come to mind, the great times I used to have Boss to guide me and teach me, the ways of giving and healing.
They all just constantly remind me of how different things are, I know its just me, I just feel really hard to accept the change.
It was more of my own problem, not theirs.
I just couldn't let go of the perfect memory and experience I had in Evangel.

But I must never give up.
I want to carry on the legacy of Boss.
I want to carry on doing the things I learnt from Boss; be honest, be generous, be true and always do what God wants you to do. Pour out your life for others.
Have faith and never be afraid.

Always let God choose the way and believe in His plan for us.

2010-05-18T19:35:00.001+08:00

ARGH I'm fat.

Deskbound job makes me really really fat.

ARGH! I WANT TO EXERCISE!!!!!!!

2010-05-01T14:59:00.002+08:00

YAY!! It's the holidays. Everything feels refreshed and it feels like everything just had a new beginning.

I feel better. I finally had some time to let all my feelings, my mood and my mind settle down, and slowly digest everything that had taken place. I thank God for being with me all these while, for without You I would not have made it. It has been a stressful and unexpected month.

Have a good rest everyone!

2010-04-12T23:13:00.002+08:00

Dear Boss,

Farewell. Finally, from today onwards, we would not be able to walk the rest of the journey with you further. But The Lord is with you till forever. I know you'll be enjoying your new gadgets and instruments, and carry on your passion for music.

Thank you Lord for giving me the precious time I had with dearest Dr. Kwek, for he truly, had lived his life, pouring out to others. In him, I see how serving The Lord is his life, and I have learnt alot from him. Thank God for letting me work in his clinic, despite I am the newest addition, he touched my life as much as he did for everyone else. I thank God for letting me chance upon this advertisement on Strait's Times one Saturday morning, and thank you Faith, for offering me the position. My life was changed ever since.

Thank you Boss, once again, for washing my ears, for it is something not many doctors would like to do. Furthermore I know you weren't feeling well that day. Thank you for restoring my hearing, thank you for your love and care for me, as well as every patient you had. Thank you for all your selflessness in helping the patients.

We love you, and you will be cherished by all of us.

Goodbye Boss. Till we meet again.

2010-04-12T01:06:00.004+08:00

Dear Boss,

I've known even more about you today. I'm so afraid that I may forget this in future I must write it down. For I really respect you, I want to remember all the good things you have done. Although they may not be really great things, but they are done with great love.

Like how you always speak up for, and support your staff even if we are wrong, like when I was new, I gave the wrong queue, but you still supported me and honour the queue, even though you had your plans on how you wanted to clear the patients. Boss, you protected your staff, you went out of your way to do it, when you really didn't have to. You helped BL reasoned out with the watch technician when they tried to made her pay for their mistake. You love your people. You sent us home. You gave us pocket money. You bought us food, not only when we were hungry. You loved us so much. I really appreciate everything you have done for us.

You loved your patients. Even in the midnight, with just a call, you'll be right over for them. Be it for illness, or electrical problems, or water pipe problems, you could do everything. Just a call and you'll be right over. You were always first to arrive in church for your duty, you set up everything without others knowing. You were passionate in music, you bought a grand piano for the church, the best grand piano.

You know I was entering Pharmacy School, you allowed me to observe you perform operations. You taught me so much about different medication combinations and how they could be used in other ways. You cleaned my ears when I couldn't hear. You gave me medicine when I couldn't breathe. You were concerned abou us, in every aspect of our life. You gave us vaccination, every time a new batch of vaccine came. Thank you Boss, I don't know how I could express for gratitude towards your kindness, your love and your care. I only hope that in one way or another, I could be of help to your family you left behind.

You love your family so much. You change all the light bulbs even when you were ill. For you were afraid if you are gone, no one would change the bulbs and you want your children to be able to study in well lilted places. You showed your love in ways that were not seen by others. I'm truly touched by your spirit of giving and sharing your love to every one in your life. All the small little things done with great love and care. I'm sure God will reward you, and he will be with you.

Dear Boss, we would not be able to be with you for the rest of the journey after tomorrow. You are my most respected Boss, Rest In Peace. You will always be remembered by the staff of Evangel. You spirit of giving will be cherished among the residents.

2010-04-09T22:05:00.002+08:00

Dear Boss,

May you Rest In Peace. With faith, I know that you have been healed and shall have no more pain and sufferings. And that you'll be dwelling in God's House forevermore. Again, with faith, I know that when the day comes, we would meet once again.

My deepest regret was not being able to be by your side, when you breathed your last. I know it has been a hard time and Boss, you have been really strong till the last moment. There was so much I wanted to tell you. But I know now, you've heard them all. Be assured, that Faith and the children, will be taken care of.

Dear Boss, I will study hard, as you have always wanted me to, and I will learn diligently, I will carry on your spirit of giving and healing, as best as I can. Dear boss, you will be dearly missed. For you, your favourite,

Psalm 23

The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want
He maketh me to lie down in the green pastures
He leadeth me beside the still waters
He restoreth my soul
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil
For thou art with me
Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me
Thou preparest before me, in the presence of mine enemies
Thou annointest my headwith oil
My cup runneth over
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life
And I will dwell in the house of The Lord forever.

In loving memories, the best Boss: Dr Kwek Soon Kiat Eric.

2010-04-08T22:07:00.002+08:00

Tribute to my Dearest, and most respected Boss.

Boss has passed away on 8 April 2010, 8.24pm. I wished I could be at his side. The only regret I had was not being able to see his last, and tell him how much I respected and loved him.

Rest In Peace. The girls will be of help to your family in any way we could. We would be strong, and continue your legacy. Rest assured I'll work hard, study hard, and do as well as I can, and be a responsible and good pharmacist in future.

Dear Boss, rest peacefully. You will be missed by the patients, the girls and I. We love you.

2010-04-04T00:24:00.005+08:00

Do you have faith? Could someone spare me some faith?

I really tired. Be it physically, mentally or emotionally.

Physically- work and traffic duties are killing me. I'm feeling feverish since Thursday. The weather is making it worse. My sleep is notorious for its quality and quantity. I wanna exercise. I feel unhealthy.

Mentally- assignment 3 is quite a kill. Thinking about my time management is super kill. Thinking about how to sort out my new work matter is mega kill. What's more exams' round the corner, how am I gonna start? Or concentrate? With so many thoughts occurring in my mind.

Emotionally- letting go is hard. Letting go of all old things/people/environment that just clicked with you so well, is really really tough. As much as I would like to be open minded as receptive, I'm concerned about what lies ahead of me. Am I getting my priorities correct?

I thought I just felt extremely positive, optimistic and upbeat just Friday midnight, what have I done to my mood now?!

Suddenly everything that went so well, just all turned so rancid. I don't wanna deal with them. I'm tired of dealing with problems, trying my best to come up with the best resolution every time, then I'll see the same problem again the day after. Am I wrong? Have I been handling things in the wrong way?

B:
The more I tried to love you for the way you are, the more I ask myself why am I still doing this? I thought that by doing that I would remove disagreements, expectations and resentment. I don't feel happy at all trying to do this all day, I feel like I've been postponing my happiness, and trying to achieve something that has no end to it. I'm tired. Really tired. I'm trying to explain to you my feelings all day, you telling me you got it, understood, and 2 hours later the whole cycle just repeats itself.

I looked back, and realised I've been trying to do this for almost 5 whole years. With also an attempt to let you know how I was thinking, turning into trying to "improve" you attempt, which failed. I seriously wished I could just let everything go, let me just accept things as whatever they are, but it still seems like even after then, I still won't be happy. And your indifference is not helping.

I hope I'm not too greedy.
I'm asking for you to be able to listen to what I'm saying, as least in a 90% attentive way.
I'm asking for you to tell the truth like, eg. just admit that you're tired when you're tired.
I'm asking for you to have some awareness of the changes your mood.
I'm asking for you to just give a little thought before you speak as words from loved ones can be really hurtful.

I don't know.
But will you be bothered?
Can you be bothered?
Are you understanding what's written here.
Can you feel my emotions?
Am I supposed to still believe in your promises
when I see the exact opposing happening with my eyes?

I don't know.
Tell me what to do.
I can't hold there any longer
I'm tired of making this blog such a sad place.
I'm tired of being positive and optimistic.
And the Will to want to be happy isn't helpful.
I'm tired of living,
tonight I sleep and I may not open my eyes again. (I'll be happy if this happens but sadly it's almost always not the case.)

Tell me how to go on loving you.

Farewell Evangel

2010-03-30T17:14:00.009+08:00

After months of struggle since late August, I thought everything would slowly settle down and be better. I thought we would still be strong and fight our way out till one day Boss comes back.

But finally, as much as I wished we could just hold on, reality isn't a fairytale. We couldn't continue running anymore.

Our little clinic is sold. The month of April will be the last of Evangel Family Clinic & Surgery.

I may be the newest addition to the clinic, but I dare say my bonding to her is no less then the rest of the family. I love my job, I love the clinic, I love the doctors, I love my boss and manager, I love my colleagues. Now, the clinic's gonna go under a whole new management. I'm not sure if I'll fit into their business.

I hate to see the efforts of 13 over years go down the drain. Yes, in fact it did not. I'm sure we've touched the hearts of many heartland patients and foster loyal relationships with them. For the one short year I've been in Evangel, it was enriching, enlightening and eye-opening. The clinic watched me grow, gave me challenges, opportunity and guidance. I thought I could still see myself locum there after graduation. Though dreams were shattered, memories remained strong.

I will cherish the last month of our FAMILY clinic. I'm not sure of its future direction. It could become very commercial, very business oriented. And less of a lively, homey, cosy and warm clinic which I can call my own home. I would collect as much memories as I can of this place. Because, soon, it would be nothing quite as close as what it used to be. I hate to say goodbye. But do I have a choice? Neither does anyone else in the family.

As much as I will miss our Home, I'll miss Boss. I pray for a miracle. I hope everything's gonna turn out fine for him, and I hope I would have a chance to let him watch me graduate from NUS Pharmacy School. May everything be fine for him.

Goodbye Evangel, my family clinic.

2010-02-14T06:08:00.002+08:00

HAPPY CNY TO ALL!!! =D

守岁this year is especially easy. I guess because there are things to keep me pondering.

At times I just wonder, over time, have I learnt to be more and more easily contented?
Things that I detest become things that I appreciate,
then became things that I wished would happen just once more.
Will things for us become better or worse?
Sometimes I wonder, why? Why and what makes us still together?
Is it that seperating from each other is worse that having to go through these repeated agonies? Or has it became a habit?
When things just never ever work out as promised. Why is this so?

Am I becoming my own slave? Your slave?
Am I still sane? What am I thinking? Am I doing the right thing?
What else can I do to make You feel happier?
What else can I do to make You feel that I've changed for better?
Did we promise to improve Ourselves?

I used to run,
run really really fast,
run far away from You,
run far away from all the heartbreaks You could possibly give me,
and then We'll be fine.
And then I realised You (and the heartbreaks) would never fail to keep up.
You were always right behind me.

Now I still run,
but when I turn around,
You aren't there anymore.
The has-beens are too long,
I kept running,
I still couldn't escape the lingering memories.

I turn back and run towards You,
but it feels like I could never reach you ever again.
I got time and time again of disappointment.
At times I wished that you could just hurt me again, please,
it beats the disappointment of seeing a nonchalant you.

Where are You?
You whom I fell in love with,
You whom loved me so much,
You whom would care about me too much till it hurts,
You whom refuse to share me with anyone,
You whom was obsessed with me.
I don't care about the tears You brought me,
I don't complain about the sleepless nights You gave me,
I don't cry over the things I had to give up,
I don't bother about the people who disapproved of You.
Now You, come back. Please do not change yourself drastically just because of our failed history.

Now you're not You.
You've changed, changed the personality which caused our drama history,
the personality which strained our relationship,
the personality that made me run away.
But have you not known, that was also the personality I fell head over heels with.
Before I knew it, I fell in love with my escape attempts which never suceeded.

Perhaps it was too late.
I managed to run fast enough.
I managed to run out of your control the last time.
Still, You came back,
You've changed. No longer trying to catch up with me.

Though at the same time,
I've never wished for the exact same you.
For I know something that's broken can never be the same again.
Yet, the dominant optimist in myself thought that, though not the same,
there's a possibility that it could become even better then the past.

I dare not wish for more happiness,
for I think I'm having enough.
Be a little more greedy,
everything shall be taken away.
Yet again, in a corner of my heart,
I have a wishful thought that you might finally understand what I'm saying.

Tell me what to do.

2010-01-29T00:04:00.003+08:00

How many 'again's can you have in your life?

I have had one important one.

And I'll never wanna have another "again" again.

Some things you'll only need to experience once.

Isn't it?

2009-12-06T21:29:00.002+08:00

OKAY! I've decided.

Enough of pitying myself. Enough of soaking in salt solution and mucus. I must be strong and stand up again. Anyway no one will pity me.

Hello Yuyan, not end of the world yet!

I must be strong! I cannot just let myself be like this. Not worth it. I still need to be bro's happy pill, I still have lots of dreams yet to fulfil. If I just die like this, isn't it such a waste?..

I must stand up again. I've been through this before didn't I? I can do it again. I know I can. Just too many people came to screw this time. Stop me from initiating my recovery, stop me from crying. Hello? I told you all that doesn't help, just let me be. Anyone listened? No again. Anything out of the normal? Nope.

Okay. I should get used to it. Appreciate the fact that some folks in the world just can't listen, I must empathize (understand what they say but not necessarily agreeing with them!) them.

I know. I will be strong. That's the Yuyan that people always knew. Laughing everything off. Right? Yes. Okay. No whines and tears from tomorrow on. Be strong.

A promise to myself.

2009-12-01T23:24:00.003+08:00

I'm starting to dislike this world. I dislike how they managed to create me and left me on my own. I hate how the truth can be distorted and how complicated can humans hearts be (not anatomy, although I'm really not in a mood to joke at all.) I hate no matter how much I've done but they just come back demanding for more, and more.

Year after year I seemed to survive every torture, every struggle, even no one knew of. I wasn't born an introvert, I wasn't born to be unsociable. But years and years things have to accumulate and there are so many I couldn't say it all out, because to protect someone else (it always protects anyone else except me), because I was told not to tell anyone, because it involves the law and legislation.

I want to be happy, I want you all to be happy, I want to be nice, I want to listen to you (as compliant as I could), I want to be what you all want me to be (as much as I could). But please don't push me so far, till I've got no where to go. I seemed to have a lot of freedom, but do I really? Or am I just restricted by what you all want me to be, what you all want me to do and what you all think I've done?

Please stop judging me about what I've done. Please stop saying that you all really understand what I've been through. You all don't, you don't. Please stop it. Stop using your measurement of happiness on me and tell me what to do to be happy. Stop questioning me every time something goes wrong assuming it's all my fault again.

I'm the youngest, but I'm not spoilt, I'm not stupid, I'm not reliant. In fact I came out to work the youngest, I earned money for myself the youngest. I did everything on my own. I went to and came back from school alone since I was P1. I saw every one's parents came to visit during recess time but where's mine? Other people had nice caring elder siblings so you'll think I must have led a wonderful childhood because I'm the most doted on. What bullshit. Youngest doesn't means most being taken care of or most being concerned. So perhaps I had a material-rich life? No, didn't either.

I'm not complaining that I want more money more clothes etc etc. What are these? I can so easily earn them myself by my labour. I'm a human! I've said it so many times. I'm not a pet, not an animal! Even pets and animals also do need care and concern and also respect. And where's mine? Hello my loved ones? Am I being listened to? How many times my little request has just been brushed across as nonsense? Bullshit?

If only they would ever see how much I've written here. But they wouldn't. Tell me when can I live this undesirable world? I really wished tomorrow will never come for me.

I hope to close my eyes tonight and never wake up ever again.

2009-11-30T15:34:00.003+08:00

Perhaps really till a point of time. People can't be bothered anymore. For things to progress till this point is an anticipation for all others. But none has predicted that it'll take so long to happen. Is this good or bad?

Faith and trust being misplaced. Empty talks and no realisation. How is this justified. Am I supposed to be sad, angry or disappointed?

Did I have any emotions? What are my emotions now? Am I supposed to feel anything? Does anyone knows how I feel? Will anyone stand up and tell me?

I don't wanna change you. You don't wanna let go. I had faith in you, you don't wanna show me you can. I can't see any happiness, you said there'll be. I want to believe that there'll be, you said you'll prove me there'll be.

Where am I now? Why am I still here. Why am I still talking to myself? Is there someone I can tell my story to? Would I ever be heard?

What's gonna happen next?.. How should I react to it? Am I gonna put in more faith (wait, is there anymore left?) to wholeheartedly believe it again or should I just brush it off and bullshit and don't bother about it? Let others think I'm the demanding and unreasonable one alright? Sounds like a plan?

坏人我做就可以the last thing I could ever do for you. Will this be the last thing? Or maybe just another thing?

2009-11-22T02:22:00.002+08:00

Now, it's one paper down and three more to go! Jia you jia you!!

Some kind of funny feeling is always lurking around. I do not really like it. But what can I do about it. So many things in life are not controllable by me and you. I hope everything will turn out fine. Somehow they always do, isn't it? =)

But why must it be that my exam periods ALWAYS coincide with my troubled periods? What a challenge. I always struggle like mad but somehow, always happen to survive too! I will too this time! And Mao Mao will be with me.

Mega Pissed

2009-11-19T13:25:00.002+08:00

Annoying much! There are still people who just can’t get a life, can’t get some wisdom even though they are already so old!!!! GRR! I know you won’t be reading my blog so I can safely bitch about you here! It’s exam period! You are so wasting my time and making me so annoyed that I can’t concentrate!!!

Back 2 months ago, we could well still be friends, if only you could be a little more matured!!! Hello?! I know it’s difficult to let go, but you don’t have to still pester my life, give me two dozens missed calls a day? If you don’t have a life then, I have! I have work, school and all my other commitments. My life’s not just about you. Yes I know, we’re friends, but sorry, I don’t think normal friends would require that much attention, do they?

And causing much disgust, when I finally picked up the call so that you’ll stop calling, asked what’s the matter, “oh, I’m bored, I'm lonely.”

OMGWTFBBQ????!!! What do you think I am?! Some hotline or chat line whatever shit?! For you to ease your boredom?! Oh my tian, I’ve got better things to do, you know?.. If you bloody can’t get over I can understand, but could you be more of a considerate and less of a selfish to consider the fact that I’m trying very hard to adapt to a new studying environment and I don’t have the luxurious free time to spare them on you!!! And am I oblige to report to you everything in my life? NO?! Obviously I’m not! And how does it concern you if I will be back to my long time bf or not?! No! Clearly not. How much do you know about us? How much do you know about what we went through?.. Who are you to comment about him, or even judge him? Even if we aren’t together we’re still friends, we still care a lot about one another. Why? Because at the very least, he has a brain, he is matured and never does funny things that just turns people off! So please don’t insult him.

And I can’t imagine I actually put up with all the crazy spam calling for 1.5 months! Lots of vibration in my pocket, y’know? Boomz! Not! Aw, and FYI, 1.5 months! You don’t have much perseverance, do you? And I’m glad you don’t!!!

And yes, sure we all have to move on! Yes, good, move on, you're doing great, find your new target and leave me alone, can you? =) No! You can’t! Obviously you aren’t automatic enough and you’re blessed with incredibly THICK, stratified squamous keratinized epithelium!! How thick skinned can you be? To ask me, who is mega-annoyed, about what to do to hook-up your new fish? Great question! I must really give it to you!

Get a life please!!! For goodness sake!

1. First, if you consider yourself a man, you should have some bloody common sense that an angry woman would not be kind enough to offer you constructive advice for you new sweetie.

2. Moreover, is this MY business? Oh you mean I’m obliged to find a replacement for you after I left? Eurgh, no, I don’t think so.

3. I charge, for my professional advice. And I choose my clients. So I’m sorry, not open for business.

4. I’m having my Holy exams. I don’t like to be interrupted by people who are not worth my attention.

5. I’m really not interested to help you. (Eurgh! I hate to say this! Spoils my reputation.)

6. I don’t give a shit about your problems!!

7. Sorry, I'm not bothered about whether you’re happy or not. Well, at least for now.

SO, please, if you have some 自知之明, please buzz off and mind your own biz. Erm, you know, I really wanna be nice, and I am really nice. But to you? Someone who have seriously crossed the line and simply too much, sorry, not worth a thought.

Aw, but lucky you, to have made it to my blog for one lengthy post. But sorry, not a post worth remembering! :P

Okay, done with relieving the angst! Time to mug!

May all nice people on earth have more happy things to blog about! Cheers!

OMGWTFBBQ!!!! JIA YOU MUGGING!!!

2009-11-15T16:11:00.004+08:00

I know it's exam period, but I just couldn't resist and have to say it all out!

I AM NOT HAPPY!

But I still thank my other self for being able to stay cheerful and optimistic, at least in front of my friends who really care about me. I don't wanna spread some negative energies to anyone.

I live in a world of my own. My own room, is like my own house, occasionally there are some visitors, sometime to come and borrow things, sometimes to check on my call records and sms, sometimes to ask how to troubleshoot the tv, sometimes to complain, sometims to tell me I have a call from ______, sometimes to ask what I want to eat. There, my mom comes in again and said she didn't cook, but there's some leftover porridge (from lunch).

Why do my loved ones just ask me what I want to eat?... Will they be concerned about how I'm doing in school or work? Will they be concerned about how I'm doing now? How I'm feeling today? How is my sinusitis?...

Is everyone outside my room so busy? So busy that they only have time see the bad things I occasionally do, but how about the goods? They come in and complain and scold and shout, and who has seen the GPA 3.94 results slip? And who has seen me working so hard to tidy up my room (which was in high entropy last time) and doing housework? It's been some time since I last saw my mom smiled. She never smiles when I show her my results slip. She never smiles when I said I scored full marks for anatomy. Slowly, I stopped talking. Because nothing I said was ever right. Nothing I said would bring anyone a smile.

Soon I closed the door. Soon I stopped sitting on my favourite sofa seat in the living room. Soon my family's daily conversations with me was, "what time you coming back?", "you working tonight? so i no need to cook your share.", "why did you wake up so late this morning? no need to go to school meh?". No one asks, "When are your exams coming? How's your preparations?", "How's school?".. Even my boss/lady boss/locum dr would ask me that.

No, I'm not saying that no one cares about me. Yes I know, my friends, boss/lady boss and teachers care. But why not my family and loved ones? Yes, I'm really fortunate, I have a complete family (which many others do not have), I have elder siblings (which many others yearn to have), my family financials is not so good, but well off than many others, we don't have a family car, but we have a daddy motorcycle. But do I really belong to the family emotionally? Maybe you'd think that I'm the youngest, and thus most pampered, but do I really get more love? Do I really connect with my family members? Okay, maybe you say they care but just don't express it out. But I think not. You guys are not yuyan, you won't understand, so don't say you understand.

I've always had a listening ear to spare when anyone needs it. But now it seems that most people have lost their sense of hearing. They can express what they want, how they want it to be done but somehow forgot to listen. Anyone listening to me talk?... I guess not. Many times I wished Mao Mao was here. Because she has ears, a pair of beautiful ears. She has a connection with me, a feeling that she understands. We connect and we know how each other feels, without needing to use our mouths. But she's not gone, but also not here.

I always did my best, to be a good child, good student, good pharmacist-to-be. I always try to listen to my elders, for as much as I can, and do what they say, heed their advice. But has all that made anyone happy? Or does this just make them coming back for more? I'm not that stressed with school work, really. I love what I'm studying. But is anyone happy with this? Anyone to share my happiness for being privileged enough to study? No one to share my joys, at least in this house.

Maybe I'm asking for too much. Maybe they all love me, maybe just not the way that I really want. Maybe I should say it out, what I want. Or wait, will there be anyone listening? Maybe I should be contented by just having enough friends. I'm not sure, how many friends do I really have. I hope the same thing in poly wouldn't happen again. From what I see now I'm positive that it wouldn't.

And I know someone out there, who's gonna give me some promises after you see this. May I urge you not to. Although I know you'll never fulfil it, another part of me still faithfully believes in you and that you'll finally achieve it. But yet again you shattered her into a million pieces. But she's so strong, she'll stand up again, and believe in you again, even more then the previous time. But that doesn't justify you to make empty promises. I wished you'll stop trampling on her faith, because you'll never know when she'll run out of it. If you can't do something, never promise anyone that you'll do it. Expectations brings disappointments.

I count my blessings that I still have another of me. To be able to stay optimistic despite the rainy days that wouldn't go away. Despite the never-ending list of expectations from others that would never be lowered, my other self was still able to keep me going, keep me faithful, keep me alive and keep me breathing. Maybe that's Mao Mao.

But I know, there are still some things that'll never betray you. Like studies, shopping, singing and swimming. These are things which your hard work will pay off. They'll recognise you and agree with you, right?

感谢还有另一个自己

2009-09-25T14:22:00.002+08:00

Why does it hurt so much even it had happened so many times?

I hate this I hate this.

If love never fails, then this is not love. Because it never worked.

I must stop all these negative energies and unconstructive activities.

GO AWAY GO AWAY.

Hello no life!

2009-09-23T23:57:00.001+08:00

OMG OMG. I think I'm having a panic attack. I need an oxygen tank much! =(

Late nights were always there. There were always night lives. But a different kind of life now... =(

I don't wanna spend the next 4 years of my night life mugging... =( I must get a life!!!

Save me! Give me higher IQ!~

2009-08-10T16:06:00.000+08:00

It's Monday! But it's not blue! Happy National Day!! Tomorrow is really the start of school! By right there should be only lectures from 4pm to 6pm. (can someone say Shiok?) But because I bidded for my elective for Physics in the Life Sciences, I have to be in school at 8am! (can someone say suay?) Now I'm wondering how should I spend my time from 10am to 4pm. That's 6 hours. =(

I wonder how are you now, Benjamin. Never hear from you already. Hope you're doing well. I'm doing well, so please rest assured that I'll take care of myself and go on with my life. I hope you are fine now too. All the best for everything. I hope the next time I see you again, you'll be happy and blissful. =)

2009-08-09T11:06:00.003+08:00

Here's the end of O week and the start of week 1, lectures are gonna begin proper! I still do not have a very good idea of what to expect, but I hope I'll be able to cope with all the changes.

Committments are getting many. I hope I still have the energy to last. I'll like to look on the bright side of everything and be optimistic, but at times I'll just help others doubt myself.

At 20, I feel like I'm been through all sorts of life experiences; joy, happiness, sorrow, accidents, loss, creation, birth, death, revival, MIRACLES. Yet life has just merely started. I do not know what the future has for me. I just hope I still have my friends around and everything will be fine.

Perhaps university will mark the very important change in my life. Perhaps everything will not be the same anymore. Perhaps I should wake up from my wishful dreams. Yes I should.

I just hope from now on, I make the right decisions and be a good student and pharmacist in training, do my job well and contribute back to society. Maybe it's still not the right time for anything else.

Now, I want my music, my bolster and my bed. Nothing pacifies me more.

2009-07-29T00:16:00.002+08:00

Yu Yan is lazy because she only updates her blog like once in few months now. Haha.

Anyway, life has been busy (super) and I don't know where all my money's gone. But anyway, school starting soon, and its also starting to create a big hole in my pocket.

Life's completely new now. I'm getting used to not being chauffeured around in car/bike. I'm starting to love the simple feeling of taking public transport to work/school even though that means being late. Learning to let go is tough, but once you've overcome it, you feel blissful, you feel back to the simplicity of just being happy in life.

And yes. I feel happy now. I feel carefree and I love my freedom. And I hope you do too, learn to let go and there's a lot more in the world that's worth your attention. Just learn from your past experience and make your future better, because you know we can never be like in the past again. You know who you are.

We're still friends, we know we still care for each other. Habits can be changed. I wish you all the best and I hope you'll be happy, like me. =)

And I'm grateful to all friends who have been around. Just around, and a call away. I'm really fortunate to have you friends. =) I love you all!

2009-06-29T15:59:00.009+08:00

It's been a long long time since I last updated. Life is getting different, really different.

Load of decisions to make, load of new commitments, loads of misunderstandings, loads of tension, loads of complications, load of fear.

The old times were no longer here. Everything's different. Sometimes I remembered, "What would you do if you weren't afraid?" from "Who moved my cheese."

I have been too afraid in the past to make any difference. Benjamin, if you're reading this, I just want to tell you I'm sorry. I know I've been really cruel this time. I feel hurt too. But I'm really sorry, I doing this not because I don't love you anymore, but I really cannot overcome my fears this time.

I know we share the same goals and I cherish that alot. I know we've been working towards our goal, but in very different ways. Sadly, we've became like 2 parallel lines that will never meet.

I know we've done alot of each other and we've came so far, it's all tears, blood and sweat and the feeling was always true. It all started out so simply but now things turn to be so complicated. I know you always like to hear what I have to say in private, so I'll just stop here. I'll write you something.

I'm really sorry I think I have to do this. It's the best for us, rather then a painful struggle, don't you think?... I want you move on and be happy, okay? For the last time, I love you.

2009-05-21T23:20:00.001+08:00

YAY! I'm so happy that I cleared my old makeup stuff away.

Because now I can look at new ones, and have capacity to get more...

I'm so saddist.

Maybe I wanna clear my wardrobe again...

Heh heh!!! =D

2009-05-19T23:06:00.002+08:00

I am one step closer towards a bigger, cleaner, neater, beautiful-er room.

Just packed another corner of my room. Threw away a bag of memories.... No wait, not really. Boss thought me about memory compression. How to do it?

1. Get the things that are meaningful to you.

2. Take photographs of them.

3. Throw.

How easy..... to say....

Doing it is another story. But I still did it. I'm determined this time. I want a good environment for the holidays, and also the new school beginning.

JIA YOU JIA YOU YU YAN!!!! =D

I showed my mom the product of my hard work today. I thought she will be a bit surprised that a sentimental person like me (ahem) can manage to get rid of so much memories.

BUT NO LOR.....

I said: “你一定会大跌眼镜的!” means "you will definitely be shocked!"

Mom said: “没有啊，什么东西？有分别吗？没有啦！还是‘降’乱。。。” means "don't have la, what? got difference meh? still so messy..."

I: ........

我这么努力，你们给我一点鼓励是不是会怎样？？！！

I will work harder. I've posted this in my blog, it makes it official. So I must continue it lor.

You friends can help by bugging: "hey yuyan, how's your room already? still so messy ah?..."

I WILL WORK VERY HARD!!!!! =DDD

2009-05-18T22:34:00.001+08:00

查无此人, 他们说查无此人...

Can't find me. No such person as me.

Find me. For me.

2009-05-08T23:39:00.005+08:00

Hello Hello!

2 Things:

1) Happy Moms' Day in advance!!!

2) Happy belated 4 years to Benjamin Ow Yong and MEEEEE!!!!

YAY!

Just came back from a dinner with my mom + Dear + Dear's Mom + Baby Jackie... Went to Jack's Place, very full.. I bought a bunch of flowers each for the Moms. Also have another for my Aunt... =) Will give to her on Monday when she comes back from China to attend my graduation ceremony!!!

YAY! I am finally officially graduating! I am so excited because this is my first and last time graduating from a polytechnic!!!! HOHOHO!!!

And the funny thing is that even before receiving all the awards, the money for the awards already credited into my bank account.... -_-"' like that very easy to over-spend you know.... =(

I want to save the money one leh....

Ya Yun darling, you can go and check leh, money in liao!!!! $$$$

And then some pics for 4 years celebration (not really celebration la huh!) !!!

We on our way to go and eat! Wearing the new necklace that Dear bought for me! Happy Happy!

Soup plus petite salad in Waraku! Waraku not baluku! And it's Buah Duku not baluku! Not soduku! Start start...Eat eat!Ice cream soda plus my arm. Taste very nice leh. Look like super sweet but it's alright!Dear's Hamburg and prawns... I never spell wrongly! It's really Hamburg leh!

I ate some can't-remember-what spaghetti... Forgot to take a picture, too hungry you know...Hot dogs plus the mustard sauce that looks funny but tastes nice....Some salmon with cheese... But I cannot taste/find the cheese....Mini pizza...

I think we ordered too much. So much that the waiter offered to change our table because the original table is too small... -_-"'After food. Very happy!

Went to Marina Barrage, kind of crowded this time.... But still nice...

Just now that picture is taken by me, and this picture is taken by him... You can see obviously how much longer his arm is... Can take until so far away! Impressive!

Okay, please don't be sick of my face.

Let me show you some cute pictures of baby Jackie. Okay, think he isn't really a baby anymore. Then we shall call him Mr Jackie Chong Weiliang!

Yes, that's my Mom at the background using u-zap, which is spoilt now already... -_-His signature pose.

Don't doubt your eyes. Yes, on his head is my Mom's "curl-the-hair-thingy". Jackie is very "hiao" and "girly" leh. Why ah?...I hope all of you are as happy as him! =D

Happy Moms' day again!!!

2009-04-25T22:48:00.003+08:00

YAY! I love weekends! I went shopping today, but unfortunately I bought my 3rd same watch. (which is the one I broke lah!) Because it's quite hard to find watch with thicker metal straps. It kind of feels good because it feels that my watch is alive again. (although it is not.)

Although my watch cannot be revived, but I can be!!

Why? Remember I received my enrollment package for Science (Life Science)?

I thought I was dead. It's like the end of my pharmacy journey. A path which wasn't my first choice in Poly, and slowly became my first choice, my passion, my ambition, my interest. Not getting Pharmacy made me think alot. As I was so focused, I never knew what I could do if I don't become a pharmacist.

To console myself, I said, "oh life science is good, its more broad base, i might have a wider choice of career to choose from... ..." But then I still felt really bad because I have made my lecturers and friends who put their faith in me, disappointed.

So what I could do then was to accept the offer then appeal later on.....

BUT NO NEED!!!

I have not even accepted the offer, the appeal period also have not started...

NUS said they reviewed my results and decided to offer me a seat in Pharmacy!!!!!

AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How is this possible?~~~ I think maybe is someone rejected the offer lor.... Then have one more seat, then lucky me was on the waiting list.... MUST BE LIKE THIS.

But anyhow, still, even if it's something someone doesn't want, is still very precious and special to me.

So, this shows that miracles exist in the world. Being alive today to hear this news is a miracle. To be able to meet so many great friends in my life is a miracle. To be able to meet my irritating but truthful boyfriend is also a miracle.

So, dear friends, this is life. Please cherish what you have for this moment because we never know when we gonna lose them, and will they ever be back?...

The above sentence sounded like bullshit to me years ago, but now I know exactly what it means.

Working and working, and soon studying. I know I'm going to be very busy. I will cherish precious time with my friends, family and boyfriend. =)

PS: Please my dear pharmacy science class 01 or 02, whichever we are, meet up soon ok? cause our 3 guys are enlisting soon!!! =( And see all of you on Graduation!!! =) And Ya Yun Darling please remember we have our dinner on 15 may!!!! =D

2009-04-19T21:11:00.002+08:00

Aiyoyo! Dear says that I look like Bangla now!! It's good because I always wanted to be tanned, but, I just realised that my forehead is fair because my fringe covered it! -_-"'

Eeks! So now, it means uneven skin tone! Gua gua gua.

Haiya, never mind la. Also nobody see. Just that I cannot use my foundation anymore I think... Now I'm so much darker.

*

It's been a tiring week. Have still loads of my own things not done yet. Want to go to BBDC, want to go swimming. Time time time! Need to better manage my time!!!

I LOVE FREEDOM!!!

2009-04-15T22:01:00.003+08:00

I love my freedom that Dear Ben is learning to give me now. I wish this will continue forever. I promise I won't abuse the trust!

Yu Yan is androgenizing (there is no such word). It just means that I'm soon turning into a guy. (this thing wouldn't happen either, but I'm just saying)

Okay, life is getting routine but its not a bad thing after all. I've learnt to manage my time better and cherish my precious free time more. It feels good to be busy over things that need not be graded and will not contribute towards your academic results.

Everybody has started working and soon friends will meet up less and less. =( I hope we keep in touch so we won't become strangers who recognise but yet avoid each other. =(

And I'm going to start work at NUH tomorrow, and my blog post is so random with no meaning. Don't ask me why. I'll try to lead a more interesting life okay.

Take care everyone!

2009-04-14T20:57:00.002+08:00

My arms are turning tanned but my legs are still so fair!!!

I need some sun-tanning to even out my skin tone!

GIVE ME 48 Hours a day!!!!

2009-04-13T17:49:00.001+08:00

Yu Yan is so very busy!!!!!

After work, now going work!

I wanna enrol for my bike license already!!!!

Why is it that when I'm free, I've no money. When I have some money, I'm not free!!!! GRR!

I'M REALLY SAD!

2009-04-09T21:23:00.003+08:00

The hairdresser cut 4 inches off my hair....

It used to be so long...

But now it is just a normal length...

How I wished the inches lost are from my waist.... =(

Why must a happy day always be neutralized by something depressing?

2009-04-08T19:10:00.001+08:00

OH YES! This is urgent!

And who wants to be a Permanent Full Time Clinical Research Associate in the Gastroenterolgy Clinical Trials Unit in NUH?

Working Hours is 9AM to 5PM from Mondays to Fridays.

Salary is based on your Resume or CV and HR will determine how much they are willing to pay you.

PLEASE PASS THIS MESSAGE AROUND TOO PLEASE!!

Thanks a million!!!!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

2009-04-08T18:37:00.003+08:00

HELLO! Is everyone enjoying your LONG LONG HOLIDAYS?!

I am!

I have just started a 1 week temp job (okay, i know you all are going to say i am lame, one week oso wanna do?!) at Tuas, and I really love working there!!! Although the way to workplace on the first day is not very pleasant!

First, I think I acted smart and didn't check the street directory thoroughly, just followed blindly and took bus 193. Alighted at the correct stop, but didn't know how to walk to my workplace. Alighted at 7.15A.M., walked and walked and walked and walk.....

And finally found my work place at 8.00A.M.! Sigh! That was healthy lifestyle. And I was eating chocolate (Breakfast) while walking, then this dog barked at me, then I walked further away from him/her.

I thought to myself: "Okay, yuyan, now walk, walk, walk.... Don't look back, if he/she sees you look back, he/she will follow..." Heart pumps very fast! And then I feel very warm behind my back.....

Then I heard hurrying footsteps.....

THE DOG IS JUST BEHIND ME! JUST BELOW MY BACKSIDE!!!!!

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I really like all animals, but I'm quite scared of dogs in industrial areas cos I got chased by one before, until my Superwoman Mom came to my rescue.

Now, I'm alone, I looked at the dog, I gave him/her a face: "Please please, please don't follow me anymore.... You can't eat chocolates!!!" Miraculously, the dog went back.

What a good story to begin a morning!

For a bonus, I'll let you all laugh at me even more....

My watch is broken!!!

WHY MUST YOU DIE SUCH A TRAGIC DEATH!!!!!!

No, it did not die! It is handicapped! It is still moving, shows me accurate time, but she is disfigured!!!! =(

"What's the big fuss about it?! It's just a $10 watch?!" you must be thinking....

NO! It is not just a $10 watch!

It is the watch who have went through numerous attachments at NUH with me!

It is the watch who have went through numerous important presentations with me!

It is the watch who have been doing her job by reporting accurate time and keeping Mao Mao safe from being found out!

It is the watch who have been through the NUS Pharmacy interview with me!!!!!

WHY?! WHY?!

And that is the second of the same model (and colour and pattern and everything) of watch I have bought!! The first one died beautifully (i dropped it, it stopped, but didn't crack) and now this one had to live with agony for the rest of her life!!! =(

SOBS!

OH MAN!!!

2009-03-31T19:04:00.003+08:00

OH MAN!!! I'm in a "panic mood" now!!!!

First, I just realised I looked at the schedule wrongly and didn't know I was working night tonight!!! ARGH!

Secondly, I'm so nervous about my NUS interview tomorrow!!!

I thought that my life was just about to be more organized and suddenly I feel so messed up again!

HELP HELP HELP!!!

I wish myself good luck and also good luck to all those who are going for interview tomorrow, no matter what course you all would wanna enter, all the best!!! =)

Cameron highlands is good

2009-03-24T13:56:00.013+08:00

*UPDATED*

Hello!

I'm back from Cameron highlands! but now I think blogger have some problems, so enjoy the pictures first! Will add in words later!!!

This is the flower in my house....

These are the flowers in Cameron!!!
These are taken in "Rose Valley"...
This is called a Green Rose. Supposed to be very rare and very good and supposed to show that you love the person very much.
Sorry, I have not figured out where is the "macro" function of mum's camera yet... so the rose is so blur... But I feel that the green rose is so small that it looks like a little jasmine..

I forgot what flower is this....

White rose.
I think this is supposed to be some "Hai Tang" or something...
Mom!
ME! Sorry I forgot to rotate the photos and I am lazy to re-upload them.. Please forgive me...
Red Roses.
3 of them means "I LOVE YOU!".

Hot pink rose. Light pink roses.
Mixed coloured roses?!
It's wonder how did they managed to grow in a bunch. Quite interesting.

Are these roses? I don't know. They don't really label their flowers.. =(
This colour reminds me of carrots... Yum Yum!

This anonymous flower looks really nice....

Some funny mutated gourd....
Unripe tomatoes...
They look like they taste very bland...

Sharp sharp flowers... I don't know what's the name of this, but I think all of us seen this in white before....
Grapes on the tall tall fence....
Is this a sunflower?
I think so....
Mom likes this pink one.

I ended my visit in the "Rose Valley" with this Chrysanthemum or Sunflower lookalike.
Next we went to the Strawberry farm...

This is the strawberry's mother-cum-father: the flower. The sons and daughters...
I was surprised they grew strawberries in pots. I think other countries like Australia plants strawberries in the soil (on the ground)...
But most of the strawberries there are not very red and they are very tiny... =( about the size of Korean strawberries or smaller!!!

And they are not sweet!!! Only about 40% are sweet... =(

*CRIES* Because Mum and me picked half a kilogram of strawberries and we finished all!!!

The more we eat the hungrier we became... I WANT REFUND!

20% of the strawberry plantation... Well, don't get scared by my unsatisfactory testimonial of the strawberries there lah.. They also sell dried strawberries made with honey! Which are like super nice lah! And also strawberry jam, juice, ice creams etc...

They also grow alot of other crops like corn (VERY NICE), sweet potatoes, tomato, capsicum, chili and many many other vegetables that you can think of.... The vegetables there are very fresh and nice!!! Great for aunties or Mums who wanna go for Pasar-ing...

Then, we went to the Cactus Garden... Got many type of cactus... some look so soft and flimsy...

Round, long, tall, short... Your head....
With flowers.... Notice a bee in the flower at 7 o'clock direction....

Your boyfriend's head...

With flower also....

Okay okay.. Didn't take much pictures of spiky cactus...

Will end the post abruptly.

BYE!!!

2009-03-03T23:38:00.004+08:00

Isn't Yoga Lin extremely talented and mesmerizing? =D

YOGA TRICK CONCERT IS NICE!!!!!

2009-03-01T00:00:00.008+08:00

Although it was exam period, I still went to watch Yoga Lin's Trick concert on 20th Feb 2009!!!!!!

It was super nice and Yoga is HOT HOT HOT. Went to watch with my DEAR!

To be fair to those who bought their tickets to watch the wonderful concert, it wouldn't be good to post the concert photos here. Sorry, but for the benefit of those who bought the tickets.....

But I can show you guys this:
It's the IMM signature event! This is just one of my big pile of photos!

A ultimate fan!!!
I borrowed those beautiful and cool stuff from the international fan club! Really thank the nice people for lending it to me... =)

Dear and me. While waiting for people to get seated....

A small part of the fan club =)They are sitting right in front of me! They are very nice people!

To piss you all off more, I have photos taken with Fish Leong!! She's really pretty and friendly in person!

Got to know the other girl, who is also very nice!

Aiya, I must have done many good deeds in my previous life. I feel that I am so fortunate!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Happy Valentines

2009-02-14T23:59:00.002+08:00

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone. I hope all of you are happy celebrating.

I think this year's my best valentine's ever. Not in terms of love, but friendship.

I know it was officially the last day of school yesterday. But it would not be the last day of our friendships. Thank you Janah and Camii, for helping me find back my lost friendship. Thank you Ya Yun for telling me how you felt. I'm sorry I didn't cherish the friendship enough in the past. I sorry I made our friendship so fragile.

Like you said, I know it's hard to mend this friendship, but I will my best for it. I'm sorry for the bad memories I gave you, and thank you for your courage yesterday, I wasn't brave enough to make the first move this time.

We've gotten out of this. Thank you, because you really brought us out. And also thank you Camii and Janah, as without you guys, all these weren't possible. I'm really grateful for all the friends in 3P01 or 3P02. I thought we were just a normal class of normal friendship. But I really deeply bonded to all of you. (DARN!)

Thank you all for everything. I can't think of a better word to thank you guys other then thank you. I hope like the friendship of me and Ya Yun, FABS would be as strong. I love you all as well as my boyfriend. (I gotta say this if not he will be so jealous.)

And lastly I just wanna say again, Ya Yun, if you are reading this, I really want to say I'm sorry. I really feel how silly I am now, when it's all over. Thank you so much for giving our friendship another chance. I will cherish this.

2009-01-26T23:51:00.002+08:00

YEAH! Spring has finally arrived!!! Happy Chinese New Year to everyone! I know you all are having fun collect Ang Baos and secretly gambling right??!! Don't gamble all your money away!!!

I used to dread CNY, because there's the crowd, the relatives (known and unknown) and many many more! I just realised it could be all the puberty hormones making us feel awkward when there's adults, crowds and many people bombarding you with funny questions.

Then I am sure that I have fully completed my puberty and am grown up. I am 20 (soon) officially the age that starts with '2'. (disgustingly, it's gonna start with '3' pretty soon and then people start calling me auntie and...)

Back to CNY. I'm starting to like the feeling of family get together! ( I know this is the nature for Cancerians, but it sort of just came out only now) And that finally after 1 long year, the whole big family finally see each other. All the kids have grown up and becoming handsome guys and pretty girls. Cousins that are old enough have gotten married/ going to get married, and having their really adorable babies. Something I didn't like was that our elder generation is getting older. =(

The Ang Bao was the objective, and probably still the objective. But not so much of the objective, more like a bonus. It is when you least expect it that you'll get more! =)

If families only get together during CNY, I wished very month (or every alternate month) would be a CNY celebration. I promise I won't take it for granted! Without Ang Bao also can.

Seeing the years passed year by year, I realised I really have not much time to waste, parents and grandma getting old, I think they haven't been really enjoying life. And I haven't been a good daughter/grand-daughter. I haven't been a filial daughter because I'm always full of my own thinking [and thinking that they are right, (although they are.)], but perhaps I should sometimes listen to them, because they are not always wrong, they are the people who will never harm me.

I must earn lots of money and allow them to have good life for retirement.

*

Also, Mao Mao! And Lao Ham! I have never forgotten about you all! Mao Mao especially! I love you Mao Mao! Happy New Year! I'm sure you'll get lots of canned food at Rainbow Bridge don't you? =)
You must be happy Mao Mao! I know you are always there! =) Looking at me, so that I won't do bad and only do good. =) I know, I've been good to Lao Da and all other cats too! I must work hard and earn lots of money for Mao Mao too. If I ever strike rich, I must build a "Mao Mao shelter" or "Mao Mao's home for Cats". For all needy cats.

I love you Mao Mao, Happy CNY. Meow~ I miss you dearly! =)

I hate to hate-blog

2009-01-20T22:01:00.003+08:00

I dislike hate-blogging, so I will not do it.

I will just let my negative thought and anger get out of my body as I pass motion.

But I haven't been clearing my bowels real well for some time, I shall get some Fibrogel tomorrow.

I will remember the teachings of all wise beings. Learn to let you and endure. Keep the positive energy in you and spread it to others (if they wanna get it).

I shall remind myself to get fibrogel.

Good night to all.

BUSY!

2009-01-11T21:27:00.003+08:00

Everyone is so busy now... I haven't been logging in since so long ago!

Now is just the last few months to graduating. Everyone should put their best foot forward and give a good shot. Then after all of us will be going our own ways and have a new beginning.

I'm reluctant but yet looking forward (strangely). I used to hate new and unfamiliar stuffs. Perhaps the teaching of some teachers has gone into my head. Perhaps my life experiences has made an impact on me and matured me and made me think. Whatever it is, I think it's good to realised that I can only achieve better when I get out of my comfort zone and let myself do something new.

The Chinese New Year Resolution: To live life more enthusiastically (to make up for the twenty years wasted in my comfort zone), not to waste time, learn as much as I can, do all that I'm interested in, and achieve!!!

I wish all who have thought of their goals achieved it, and those who have not, try harder!!! There's not much time to waste!!!

A good read

2008-12-06T21:05:00.005+08:00

It's been long since I last read a good book, a good story book.

I have been reading non-fiction all these years. Although this isn't fiction anyway, it is a true story, so it is also non fiction. But still, it is a story. I haven't been reading stories since secondary school...

Obviously, what inspired me to read this book is the catchy cover of a furry orange feline.
His name is Dewey Readmore Books. He is a library cat who touched the hearts of the entire town. A touching story to remember, and to tell us, every bit means a difference.

I think it is quite a good story for the soul as it reminds us of the small little special things happening around us, which we often taken for granted.

You guys can try reading this book. It's font size is really big so you can spend hours reading it without tiring your eyes.

Especially good for those who have lost your way or feel that there is no love left in the world.

Oh yes, before I forget, Baby Jackie has been staying over at my house often these days.

He has been playing with the phone for a long time, I have been eyeing him, but he has always been dialing some invalid numbers, so I thought it was nothing notable.

BUT I WAS SO WRONG.

Monday morning, someone called my house number, I picked it up, as usual, Baby Jackie but fighting for the phone, I yelled at him to shoo away then continued with the call.

The guy asked: "Good morning Ma'am, can I speak in English?"

Then I said: "Yes, please."

Guy: "This is calling from 999 police hotline......"

Before he could say anything, I know, surely Baby Jackie had called the police. Fine, I thought, maybe he just accidentally dialed 999 once.

BUT I WAS SO WRONG!!! AGAIN!!!

The police said that our house number dialed 999 several times and he quoted some of the times he received a call from our house. They were all when Baby Jackie was around. Surely there isn't anyone in my household other then Baby Jackie, childish enough to prank call the police so many times.

I had to apologize profusely to the police and promise that I would monitor the baby and make sure he does not play with the phone and call the police again.

GOOD ONE. I think I sounded as if I was Baby Jackie's mom and have to be responsible about this. Sigh, this is a problem with a child when his mom doesn't make an effort to teach him. First 3 years is really important but still... Sigh. This poor child now is very bad tempered and really spoiled. I tried to educate him but no one was willing to cooperate. Because they think that letting him have his way is much easier and less lay chay then going the hard way and let him learn what is correct.

Sigh, I wish Baby Jackie all the best. I shall wash my hands off this matter since I've really got better and more urgent things to do. Well, but I do really hope that the rest of the household can change their minds and cooperate to teach Baby Jackie.

Went to cut my hair at Chapter 2 @ Bugis yesterday with Ah Xia.

It's been long since I last went to a nice salon to cut my hair. Always been going to the auntie near my house.

I made the correct change. The stylist who cut my hair was Jadon, I think he reminds me of my best friend Bro Sze Hui. Must tell her about it!

I think he inspired me to really go and think about what I want to do in life, cause he is so young, and already found a career he wants to do in life. I think I can't be studying forever, but still, being a Pharmacist sounds not too much like my cup of tea.

I should really start thinking of my future. I used to think that I clearly know what I want in life, that is anything to do with Science. But now, I feel that I'm wrong, I don't really exactly know what I want. I think that what I really want as a job is something that requires a skill, or some creativity, that can meet lots of people, not a job that requires some knowledge that anyone can just easily memorise.

I need to really think now. Else I'll be living in regrets for the rest of my life! Else I'll indeed become "a flower, with nothing interesting to say"...

2008-11-25T19:52:00.004+08:00

Life is getting more and more routine.

Routine is not a bad thing in a sense that if you sleep at the same time every night, wake up at the same hour when the sun rise every morning, have your regular meals at a regular timing, that all keeps your life healthy.

But sometimes, when I have eached a certain age, and when I'm doing something, I would start to think, why do I have to do things this way, why can't I do it differently.

Looking back, I think I've been wasting my 19 years of life doing things without even thinking. Thinking back, I could have made so much more difference in my own life and others' life if I would have been more daring to make a difference and be the difference.

It is so easy to think, but so difficult to put all your thinking into actions.

Sigh, life is a routine, it's a chore, it's boring.

I want a different life! I don't want to be "a flower, with nothing interesting to say!"

2008-11-19T22:20:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, as you are giving people advice, you may think, do you yourself have those positive thinking which you encourage your friends to have.

I think now I have. Moving on with life and taking everything with a pinch of salt. (or maybe 2 pinches)

I guess human are really complicated beings. Well, after all we are not living in a world of amoebas.

2 different (or similar) people can be doing the same thing, but they could have a completely motive/intention in mind. I suddenly realised how confusing reality could be.

But sooner or later, I got to realise that, no matter what others think about you or say about you, you actually have not much control over it. Perhaps believing yourself is most important. It is sure not easy to ignore or don't be too conscious about what others think about you. But when attained, the carefree-ness in you is indescribable.

Just be yourself, no matter what others say.

We have to fall to learn how to stand up again. And a success without failure ain't that precious is it?

Thanks to everyone who took part in my life and did whatever you did to me, good or bad.

I hope I can see the silver linings of the clouds soon.

2008-11-03T19:38:00.003+08:00

As predicted, reached home in 2 hours time.

Sigh, although the speed of 157 seems to become much faster, but then it still took long to reach home... Aiyoyo...

Aiya, for all the wrong reasons. I feel that I am so not myself recently. Getting angsty with the stuff I don't used to be angsty over, and saying things that I don't usually say.

Sigh, I wished so much that I could declare myself a winner and say "I'm completely over it" out loud.

How many times I tell myself that I wouldn't care anymore, and how many times I'm just always so bothered by it.

I always know the right things for the wrong reason. I always dig my own grave. I always find out the truth that I didn't want to know. I mean, it's always good to find out the truth, perhaps it just takes time to digest.

I wished I could just laugh it off like I do to everything. I wished I could get my old self back.

I wished I could just let go of all the negative energies and allow the positive ones to fill me up.

I just wanted to throw the past away and start all over again. Shred old memories and allow new ones to be created.

Why am I still holding onto the past? I wished I could still have the positive outlook for life like I used to have.

Life is so disappointing. I think I am nostalgic. I can't really rid familiar stuff. It's really out of my comfort zone to be in a new surrounding.

I wished I woudn't fall deeper into all these emo shits anymore.

Sigh sigh sigh.

I might be so tough and angst on the outside, is that just the protective outer shells of all Crabs?

History just strikes me again and again. But it's the final ending that differs.

Am I just weak or are all these too much for a 19 year old to go through?

Sigh, I'm sorry all friends if I'm ain't really myself these days. And transforming into a annonying much person. Go easy on me please.

So many things happened these few years. I am so depressed that Mao Mao isn't physically here to heal me.

Cat oh Cat, Mao Mao oh Mao Mao, when are you gonna come and take mommy with you? I miss you.. Life is so meaningless without you...

I guess there's few people I can trust anymore.

*

Sigh, outing with Bro Sze Hui next week. I hope she can give me some positive energies.

2008-10-19T23:53:00.002+08:00

All good things come to an end.

It's just a pity that we couldn't end it on a good note. But whatever it is, I am still thankful of the fate and the destiny that we met.

I will slowly delete the unhappy times one by one. Ten years later, when we are all gone and when no one remembers my name, I'll keep the happy memories to recall every now and then.

It takes 2 to clap, both of us are at fault. There's no need to calculate who did more wrong. It is a lesson that both of us should accept it and learn from it.

I am writing this is no hope of saving anything, there isn't a need to save anything either.

I just hope that neither of us live in hatred. Don't have to be pretentious, don't have to be nice if you don't want to.

No matter what it is, no matter how hurt or what. I still count my blessings and I don't wish to remember the unhappiness.

Thank you for the precious life lesson.

*

Through this I really learnt a whole lot. And I really want to thank those who showed concern, gave me advice and told me the truth of what they thought.

I really really appreciate those whom I though wasn't there. But they were here, all the while.

Thanks to those who bothered to listen, and bothered to give some advice and those who care. Especially J and C.

I really appreciate all your help and enlightenment. And thanks for believing me.

Yes, anything that does not kill me will make me stronger. =)

2008-10-17T14:16:00.003+08:00

If you wanna do it this way.

I will RECIPROCATE.

I've seen you done it first, I ASSUME this is what you want.

I will grant your wish.

It's complicated.

2008-10-16T23:01:00.003+08:00

The more people involved, the more complicated the matter gets.

As time goes by, the truth gets twisted, the truth becomes blurred.

Everyone has the freedom to think what they want.

Say what they wanna say.

Assume what they assume.

People change.

Trust is misplaced.

It is part of a journey.

Learning in life.

One day, the truth will come to light.

But some things don't have to be made known to everyone.

I don't have to stand up for myself.

Believe what you want to believe.

There is no right or wrong.

In this world, anything right can be wrong.

Anything wrong can be right.

It can become anything you want.

I just wanna mind my own biz.

Do my own stuff.

And nothing more.

I didn't know my name was yuyansette!!!

2008-10-12T23:23:00.011+08:00

Cool! My new name is yuyansette!!!

I thought that that's a nice name! And you know why?

Because in Super Mario, there is a character called Toadette! And my favourite character is Toad!!!!

First, in case you don't even know who is Mario(click) :

And he is a plumber!

Plumber reminds me of this video:

Mario has a brother called Luigi(click).

You can read about him on your own....

That are also plenty of interesting characters in Super Mario which you can go research about. They are all so interesting. You'll become a big fan of Super Mario soon!!! =)

Back to Toadette.

Who is Toadette?

So cute right?~~~ Pink colour one.

According to Wiki, Toadette is a female Toad. (eh, in case you all still don't get it, Toad is not a toad)

Not this toad:So Fugly! Eeyer....

But this Toad(click) =) :But he usually wears a blue vest....

Like this:Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo CUTE!!! I love Toad!!!

Toad is a Humanoid Mushroom who lives in Mushroom Kingdom(click).

You all can go and research all you want on Super Mario and Toad. I'm sure you all are so gonna fall in love with them!!!

There are also other kinds of Toad like Toadsworth.

There is also a series of other characters like Princess Peach(click) and Princess Daisy, and other bad guy antagonists like Bowser(click)!

And many many more!!!! The list goes on and on!!!!

Oh well, the whole point is......

: My new name is Yuyansette.

Dear's birthday!

2008-10-11T20:36:00.011+08:00

YAY!!!!!

I just went to Princess Janah's house today for Hari Raya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love their house! So nice with lotsa children and nice family bonding!

I was too greedy to take any photos. Always busy grabbing food, if not chatting if not observing the baby!!!!

Heee... Thanks Janah and her mom for all the goodies, they were super extra yummy!!!! I enjoyed myself super duper!

Okie, now, I wanna blog a bit about Dear's birthday!!!!!

I know I'm super late, but this is one of the least late thing I'm blogging about!!!

Hoho, Dear had 3 birthday celebrations!

1 BBQ with his friends, 1 party at Sakura buffet, and 1 dinner with me!

I only have some photos for the BBQ (some still in Dear's camera), Sakura photos are all in Dear's camera and Dear is a bigger procrastinator then me, so I guess have to wait till my hair turn white.

Well, here are some BBQ photo I got from Xing Ying, promised to send her the rest, but Dear is still procrastinating!!!!

A pic with the girls.
The bright thing at my butt is a light stick I tied to the thing you put your belt in.

The girls are very nice. Though it is my first time seeing them, they were very nice and came to talk to me... =)

I wanna cut my hair. It looks like mushroom. And I wanna lose weight!!!!!!!! I am getting so fat. I hate it! Burok nak mampos!!!! And gemuk nak mampos!!!! (I don't know how to spell that.... Janah, Help!)

Dear said that I'm too short so I stood on the chair. You think I like to be short is it?!

Hmmm, BBQ-ing is quite hot huh? A group photo. I think not everyone is in it. I think more people came later. We took the photo first cos they girls are leaving... =(
I'M SO GONNA CUT MY HAIR AND LOSE SOME WEIGHT!

Oh, this is a random photo I took for Camii!!!!!!RAINBOW!!~ Took while the car was moving.... Still not bad... Actually there was once we drove so much nearer to the rainbow. But I was too cacat to take a photo of it in time...

Then we went to Relish!!!!!! It serves mainly burgers and beer. It also has nice milk shake and other stuff like spaghetti and salads. The menu is quite little,but the burgers are really nice because they use better quality ingredients. =)

A view of the restaurant. Again.
We sat at a corner by the window. At first, I was so disappointed that my phone camera did not have flash. And I thought that all my photos will be this dark:
Sigh, so I thought what I could do was to brighten it, using the computer, like this: But the quality not nice leh....

I still didn't think too much about it. And continue taking dark dark photos and plan to brighten them later. And brighten.
Dear drinking a tall tall root beer float. We didn't drink beer as Dear was driving. So root beer sounds like the nearest to beer.
And brighten it.
Then, suddenly, Dear ask me: "Why all the photos so dark?"

I answered: "This phone lousy, don't have flash mah..."

Dear said: "Use night mode lah..."

Me, very enlightened, : "Oh ya huh...."

I totally forgotten that there was such a thing called the night mode in my phone's camera. How clever of me.

Con con con confident! *chang*!

Then suddenly everything looked so much more comfortable to the eyes. Dear ordered the ramlee burger! No, this ramlee is not the Pasar Malam ramlee burger okay?

It tastes totally different. It was very nice! Because the meat is fresh and juicy. The Pasar Malam one is a different kind of nice, it is like the spices kind of taste, very Malay kind of taste.

I love both kinds of Ramlee burgers.

Close look. Looks small but in my opinion is quite big. The fries are really nice. I think they are cut straightaway from potatoes.

Eat eat eat! They provide chilli sauce, tomato sauce and mayonnaise just like any other fast food outlets! =)

Mayonnaise is so nice!

I ordered the seafood burger. Patty is deep fried. Inside got shrimp, squid and other stuff I couldn't remember. It is nice, but I prefer to eat beef leh.... I'm going to eat a beef burger the next time!

The hand-cut onion rings. It is a must try! It is quite interesting because it is different from typical onion rings. I personally do not like those big big onions. But I love the onion rings! They successfully made these smelly onions (in my opinion, big onions are smelly) into crispy, fragrant rings!!! Taste great when dipped into mayonnaise or ketchup.

See how big the onion ring is? It can contain my face...
We love the onion rings!!!!!!!!

Dear looks like the creature behind the Cheezels cheese rings packaging. Neh, this one lor....
It makes me feel like eating Cheezels now....

All the customers starting to come in.... By the time we were gone, the restaurant only had a few empty tables.

We are so satisfied with the food! Almost finish them all. Dear was not feeling well, so did not eat some of the bread of the burger.

But he polished up every bit of the patty.

Our going to finish root beer... Left 1 onion ring.
Left 1 fry.
Dear's leftover bread. Our plain water.
The service there is very good. They refill our glasses even when it was no where near empty!

They also took the initiative to give us extra napkins when our napkins are used. When I say used, it means we used them to wipe our mouth, but you know napkins, they are quite think, so usually we can still use them till the end of the meal. But the waitress still gave us more.. =)

Or maybe issit because we look very cacat, so we need more napkins?

I decided to finish the last onion ring. I'm not greedy... I just can't help it because I like the onion ring too much... =P

Haiya, why Dear like to take photos of leftover food so much?! Shrugs but still posted it anyway....

With a full tummy, we left Cluny court happily.... I wanna eat there again. I want beef the next time... =)

Hope I'll blog again soon. Real soon.

good bye lao ham!

2008-09-29T21:20:00.002+08:00

Our Dear Lao Ham passed away today, 29 September 2008.

Lao Ham is very old already.

She passed away peacefully, with a clean home, clean body. =)

Rest in Peace.

Do find our familiar Mao Mao.

Hope they all live happily ever after at rainbow bridge.

I love you Lao Ham and Mao Mao.

We will meet again, Loves.

2008-09-24T23:59:00.002+08:00

I guess people just need to forgive and forget. I guess I have forgiven.

Fasting is a good thing because I think I feel the extra "goodness"...

I'm calm, less grumpy, and more forgiving.

I guess I really need a religion.

It makes it all so much easier to sort out my thoughts!

Thanks Janah and Camii for all the religious lessons! They are all just so great!

And thanks Princess Janah for the Malay lessons! They just never fail to keep me awake at work.. =)

Hearts many!

A new start.

2008-09-15T23:29:00.003+08:00

I hope everyone is enjoying their holiday and spending time wisely.

I want to learn to make the correct decision and never turn back.

I mustn't let my heart rule my head anymore.

This is the time!

2008-08-31T23:30:00.005+08:00

OKAY! I finally finished blogging my super-procrastinated post.

Please click here.

Seeing the date I am so ashamed of myself.. Sigh!!!

My mom's birthday is tomorrow. I hope her birthday wish is to wish for me to be able to be more handworking in EVERYTHING I do.

And Happy Birthday MOM!!! I wish you healthy and youth every year...

LOVES LOVES!!!

2008-07-03T23:24:00.004+08:00

Woohoo!

Please go read Xiaxue's blog post on Thursday, July 03, 2008. I LOVE IT!

I love Xiaxue's rebut against slut Yang!!!

Seriously.. I reluctantly got into slut Yang's website. (I am apparently very reluctant to give her site the extra hits, and obviously XX must have boosted slut Yang's readership by quite abit, but oh well, who can beat our blogger queen/princess XX =P)

Well, from what I can see, Dawn is just pretending to be nice to 'forgive' XX and make it seem like she's just the victim of the incident.

Pui!

What is there to forgive when XX never do anything wrong.

And from slut Yang's post, I, seriously never see any solid evidence from her that proves that the following, are false and are just rumours:

1) Tinsel Management dropped Dawn,
2) Dawn had failed to join 98.7FM as a DJ,
3) Dawn lied about an offer by Jacky Wu,
4) Dawn has breast implants and armpit scars,
5) She lied about how much she was earning, and
6) She had lied about her heritage.

I also really despise her for trying to be someone who she isn't. In fact, I pity her silly, brainless ways. I even find them disgusting. Life's just too short to be someone else, isn't it?

And I see her lying once and again to cover up for a previous lie. It'll be never ending.

Sucks to be you, Dawn.

2008-07-02T22:13:00.002+08:00

Not sure if you all have seen Xiaxue's blog recently?

Go read if you are interested.

I DISLIKE DAWN YANG! And I think she is really a loser, even people write things about her also must ask her manager to talk Xiaxue and still threaten Xiaxue that there will be a lawsuit if she does not apologize.

SICK!

DAWN is such a LOSER!!! People write about her, then want to sue people! As if you never lied about yourself.

BE A REAL BLOGGER LAH! If people write things about you, don't know how to write back issit?
.
.
OOPS! I forgot you are not really a blogger. You are a wannabe who blogs!

SIAO!

PLASTIC WAYANG DAWN!

I support Xiaxue!!

I think Dawn better save the money for more plastic surgeries!!!

SICK!

Anyway, you can find the deleted post here: http://www.xanga.com/dawn_wayang

Thanks to the Dawn Yang antagonist. I love you! You preserved the well written post!!!!

2008-06-28T21:38:00.037+08:00

Okay okay, I'm so guilty of not blogging for so long...

Let me show you all some photos taken in my Taiwan trip like more then 2 months ago!!!
This shows how much of a procrastinator I am....

My parents at "Guang Ming Shan" park I think. Cannot really remember if the name of the park correct. But I never take photo there.. Because it's so nothing there.

And I don't think I wanna take photo with a flowery clock... Bah!

This is the "Zi You Guang Chang".. Is it the past "Zhong Zheng Ji Nian Tang" or something? The tour guide actually told us a lot of story behind the buildings and history of all the places of interest. But you know, it's been 2 months since I came back already, and trust me, I don't want to be taking notes for even this kind of thing and especially I went there just after exam!!! So I just can't remember all the facts and history and story. =(

Also taken there, don't know what is it. I remember the whether at the time was so scorching hot that I just wanna get back into the bus. Actually got a long flight of stairs to go up to that building.. But my mom's photography skill lah, you know.
I think this is taken from the top of the tall flight of stairs.. Looks like not very high right? Look at all the dots on the ground... They are people!!!!

This picture and those below are taken at a place called "Ye Liu"..

It's at a seaside and all those funny shapes and pattern and holes all natural!! It's really nice when you see it personally there, because you can see all the waves hitting on the stones and all. Those look like mushroom... I wonder how were they being formed. Nature is just so AMAZING.

And this one look like sand castle.. But it is really like stone.. Like hard, and all those patterns are natural. Got holes in the ground. And they look like nostrils.

Some bridge, I don't know, which look like naturally formed. I don't know whether if it really is lah. And the next picture is ....They say this is a slipper....

And this is.... An elephant... The photo I don't know why like that, maybe the camera spoilt.. Not mine, so I'm not too sure...

And finally...This is the queen's head they call it.. See the white things on the wooden plank trail? Those are footsteps that guide you to stand there and take photo..

And they don't allow people to touch the queen's head... Because the experts say, if we keep touching it, the head will drop down in 5 years!!!

OMG! Because a normally person height is just nice touch at the neck area.. So it's becoming thinner and thinner!!!!

More mushroom fungus...
All the beautiful scenery.. Nature is really awesome!!! =)

But.... I think... They all just accumulate water??! And how come Taiwan don't have Ades Mosquito is it? So no need worry about Dengue Fever?!

Oh, and after we left there, and heading for the next destination, our bus water tank burst!!!! And it's a brand new bus!!!

And without air con, everybody just finds their own way to keep cool...

And each doing their own stuff..Uncle plucking weeds....

Me taking photo of flowers... Some aunties went up to explore...

And the weather is SO DAMN HOT!!!!!

It's so hard even to squeeze out a fake smile..

And then there's this farm where we stayed for one night.. The farm is very big.. We just walked some parts of it as we were very hot and tired...

Can sit there and talk cock... There is also swings and BBQ pits at the side, and you can BBQ there and chill out. I think it'll be very nice as the air there is so fresh and should be not possible to experience this kind of BBQ-ing in Singapore...

Got beautiful scenery as it's in the highlands...

Got beautiful butterfly..
Then also got pictures of other fruits. But it's very boring as most fruit season is not here yet.. So no fruits on the tree.. =(

Then at night have lots of activity..

Got make glutinous ball... (tang yuan)

We make all so small....
Then also got play spinning tops and all those Taiwan "kampung" games...

Then they brief us how to "fang tian deng". It's a paper lantern which you write all your wishes on it.. Then, we light up the fire, and it works like a hot air balloon and flies up into the sky.. So God can see your wishes... =)

When our lanterns are high in the sky....
Flying up....
And this is some mini super small fireworks that I played..
It flies up into the sky with the "whew~~.........." sound, then ends with a very super loud "POP" and it burst into a spark and then gone....

The below is the normal fire works which they are allowed to play but not allowed in Singapore...

They were much nicer... But this was taken with my phone camera.. Like a bit too slow to capture the fully opened fireworks... =(

Then we also played the firecrackers.. But it was a bit too loud for me to go near enough to take pictures...

Ducks reared at the farm...

Pig reared in the farm...
I think all these animals very hungry.. Because they all eat all kinds of things we throw them.. Even leaves from the tree... =(

Then the next day we went to some other place...

Can't remember which day is which lah.. But anyhow.. There's a temple built on the mountain...

Actually it is so high high up...
It looks like if everybody in the temple were to stand at one side of the temple, it might just topple down...

Looks like so dangerous.. And the place people are standing, is already elevated.. There is water and rocks underneath...

I'm trying to show that they place is very windy...

And made a mess of my hair...

And grrr, there is no make up!!! All because of my aunty!! Always want to rush rush rush me out of the hotel room and check out!!! I had to wait downstairs for 30 mins everyday for everybody to arrive!!! We have so much time and yet she's so excited.. Sigh..

There's another temple lower in the same mountain...

Got the waterfall thingy so nice...

The mountains go all the way up up up into the clouds....

The temple looks so small in the pic...

Downstairs still got cafe...

The coffee inside is brewed using the spring water from the stream there... So creative leh..

I think it'll be a different feeling drinking coffee at a place like this...

Then, don't know which day again, we went to some mountain-side-seaside..
Beautiful clouds....
And the stones.. They are marble.. As in the marble used to make floor tiles at home, etc..

They are just unpolished, and we were allowed to pick some home.. =)

I also drank the soft drink which you have to pop in the marble to open it...

And my mom threw the bottle!!! ARGH! I wanted to keep it and bring it back!

Then went to some crystal and jade factory...
Distorted photo.. Don't know why...
They shhow how to check whether the jade is real jade...
Shine a light behind and it allows penetration...
There's the statues of the twelve zodiac sign outside..

The snake and the dragon...

This was the 5 star hotel I stayed in I think...

So nice leh.. Wanted to go swimming but.. Had too full a dinner.. The buffet there is so high class and nice!!!

The next day we went to see some "Eight Immortals Bridge"...

It is super long.. My father walked for 2.5 "n" shapes and gave up and came back...

Next we went to see the strange water that flows uphill..

This is a downhill...
Can't see the water flowing in the picture, but the water flows up into the hole...

This is downhill...

Water flows up!!! Funny.. I looked at it for very long, still can't find the logic behind it..

And don't know which day I went to see this faris wheel on the rooftop level of a big shopping mall...

Oh man, my memories for the Taiwan trip are becoming so blur....

The carraiges are all sanrio characters... Got my favourite My Melody (the one in white in the pic above, I think...) and Hello Kitty, and also others such as cinnamon roll and the others I don't know the name...
The hello kitty one...

I set in the one with a cinnamonroll stuff toy...

I look so happy carrying it, but actually no. The plushie's quite dirty and have got furry balls already!!! But I want to take a photo so I hold it by the ear lor...

The Hello kitty one in front!!! Which I didn't get to sit!!!! HMMPH!

At the highest point...

Then went to have a snack though dinner is next... This is some nacho with salsa dip thingy...

My dad ate this ice-cream-popcorn-cup... Got chocolate sauce and caramel.. Should be quite yummy. He ate it so fast, actually the ice cream has the sharp sharp tip on top, like the vanilla cone from McDonalds. But in the picture it's just round.

The clouds abover the funfair...

Then at night, near our hotel, there's this river, called the "Love River"... It is beautiful and clean.

The trees around also decorated nicely.. It should be a good place for couples in love... But the river has the highest rate of suicide!!! Means many people jump inside to commit suicide..

Maybe the river and its name is just too beautiful. People who fall out of love are likely to commit suicide there??? You can tour the river by the boats there.. But we didn't, we went to do some night shopping and buy supper!!! =)

Then next day we went to "Ri Yue Tan" It's like a lake.. But very beautiful... We drive across and past 18 mountains I think, just to see this beautiful lake. But Indeed it is...

All the mountains' water will all flow into this lake!! Isn't it amazing?!

But the tour guide told us about a story, like some years ago, a boat to tour the lake at night sank due to over loading and many tourists died. The boat belongs to a luxurious hotel nearby, and the always organize night tour to see the lake, and because they want to earn more money at once, they overloaded the boat and it sank!! All of the tourists died and the hotel became haunted!!!

Then the 911 earthquarke happened and the hotel is also gone! It was rebuilt but still believed to be haunted. Of course many of the tourists who did not know about this incident still stay there. But our tour guide says he will always opt to stay in another hotel nearby whenever his tour group need to stay in the haunted hotel...

So scary!!! There has got a temple there...
We went in to walk but I didn't take photos in there... As the weather is really very hot. It made me so tired....

Then we went to see your boyfriend... Your boyfriend opens his tail...
Your boyfriend in green...
All your boyfriends...
All your boyfriends are so excited to see me, they open all their tails and made funny noises...
Your boyfriend flies up into the fence...
Your other kind of boyfriend in a cage..
After seeing all your boyfriends, we went to the honey place...
Got different shapes of bee hives hanging on the ceiling...
My aunty asked why the beehive got so many shape. The lady replied and said, the bees happy can already, they like to build what shape oso can...

All right. We bough bee pollen, honey and royal jelly there.. It is really good. =)

The next destination was the world's first Earthquarke Musuem... This is a real artifact of a school that got demaged by the 911 earthquarke. Luckily it happened at night and no one was hurt..

Most of the school was gone and smashed.. The musuem preserved what that was left to show the demage done...

All the half toppled buildings were supported by new pillars to keep them in place.

The musuem was build to raise awareness of the power of earthquarke and how show buildings to built to be earthquarke proof. The musuem also studies how earthquarke forms and etc. Going there is like going for a Geograpy lesson...

There was also this stimulator to let us, Singaporean experience a taste of the earthquarke.. And it was quite strong!!!

Next was Taipei 101... Never take many photos of it as it is actually a business office building, then the part where we can enter is a shopping mall. It is those high class kind of shopping, like takashimaya kind...

If you want to see the building structure, maybe you can google about it. Because it is 101 storeys and I am standing so near it, so it does not fit into my camera!!!

OMG, this is getting random since I forgot the exact chronological order of the places I went..

But anyway, we went to this special building restaurant called the "Wu Jiao Chuan Ban".. It means the fifty cent boat plank..

The story goes like this: There was one day, this lady, she found a fifty cent on a wooden plank. The wooden plank is from a broken boat. Then, she thought to herself, one day, she is going to build a special building, and she will call it fifty cent boat plank...

Sounds funny, but this is the story... The pillars are curly curly like a lady's hair...
This is the lady who built the building... The complete pic of the outdie of the building is in the poster...
The inside, is a restaurant.. (of course, we went there for lunch!)
All the ornaments there are quite artistic and have a strong personal touch.
Inside got water oso!! Very nice building. It has got 6 storeys I think. We dined on the 4th floor.
And every story have a different colour for its seats...

Everybody's set of utensils...
The drinks got cold plum drink and hot plum tea!! Both are very nice and taste very unique..

In case you are wondering what is the brown square thing, it's a mua chee. It taste different from our pasar malam kind. It taste really different and much nicer!!!!

Our seats were white... I was hoping for pink....

The rice actually got sweet potato, but I gave to my mom...

And all the bowls and plate were hand made by the lady-boss herself!! So every piece is unique and there isn't an identical piece!!!

You can even buy some home!

Even the wet tissue also so nice...

Got sheep shape...

Even the stairs step also have so detailed design..
It is scary to look down as it is all water underneath!!!
Even the toilet also so arty farty...

The wooden door is like the automatic shopping centre glass door... So cool..

I love the restaurant, the food also very nice!!!

It is always full house...

Then the next place I don't know where is that...

Got soldiers have to stand there for very long without moving!!!
They cannot move even if you touch them or tickle them or talk to them..

Some even don't blink!!! Till their eyes are all red!~
I didn't want to take a photo with them as I'll look so short beside them as they stand on something...

And the march to change people to stand...

It's a long process... Oh well...

Then went back to hotel. This is the last night I think...

Can see the river and the roads...

And it is near "Xi Men Ding"..
I ate KFC and oyster mee sua there... Oyster mee sua is nice.. KFC got no chilli sauce.. =(

But Taiwan is really fun, but not with your parents/ elder relatives...

What I have blogged about is like half of my Taiwan trip.. Because when you have people nagging around your ears and getting on your nerves, and the weather is so damn hot, you will not feel like taking photos...

I want to go to Taiwan AGAIN!!!

I wanna go there myself.. Perhaps with Dear or with friends!!!! =)

I love Taiwan...